super frictonal {diza}

chapter: 6

del·i·cate

/ˈdelikət/
adjective
easily broken or damaged; fragile.

    "this is incredible," i whisper in adoration as i stare at the chandeliers from above our heads in the fancy restaurant. i feel josh's hand slide behind my back to my waist as he leans close to my ear.

    "i know," he says. "but it doesn't compare to you." i know i shouldn't, but it was like a stab to my throat while he whispered the words i should've been blushing from. instead, i pushed back the thought of david saying that to me and softly smile to him.

    the waitress guides both josh and i to our reserved table as i listen to my heels click on the floor below. oddly enough it felt like a lifetime just even walking to our table. my mind slowly travels its way to david, just like how his hands would've traveled into mine. and before i could remember the feeling of magic electricity, my heart throbs just as i see him stare at her while he sits beside his new girlfriend, with his hand on her thigh, and her eyes on his lips.

    i stand there, frozen in yet again a lifetime that even i could picture jesus coming back from the heaven's above. and in that exact second i knew what it was all along. he was in love. but not by me. by her. and as i stared at him with pure hurt and sadness, i know now that he's truly, for once in his goddamned life, happy. and that's ok, i guess. it's honestly all i'd ever wish for him, and i know he'd wish the same for me. so yeah, i can now officially say that i am happy for him. not because he cheated on me, and abused me, but because he knows what it felt like when i locked eyes with him in a crowded room. when i kissed his chapped lips, and when i claimed his scent as mine.

    maybe now he knows what happy feels like.

and for the first time i see him look at me. not with pure jealousy, or hatred. not anything. he just looked at me. and i looked at him. i could feel his eyes seep into mine for an excessive amount of time, i could see them look back forth from the left eye to the right. even from a few feet away, i saw something. like a light switch, it flickered in his eyes and turned straight off, completely going dark. but then i saw it flash again. and before it can flicker another time, i weakly smile at him. showing him my true feelings i never once shared.

"hey david!" josh shouts to david, interrupting our little staring moment. quickly david adverts his eyes from mine to josh's and he widely smiles at him, before shaking their hands and proceeding in a manly hug. i stand there from behind josh, and i watch them hug each other. david then looks at me again as they continue their bromance for another couple seconds before releasing.

"hey, man. what's up?" david asks as they release.

"oh nothing much, really." he says. "but i'd like to introduce you to my date," quickly david clenches his jaw at the word 'date' and i raise an eyebrow at him. quickly he shrugs and focuses his gaze on josh.

    "yeah," david begins. "she used to be my girlfriend." he declares with no emotion whatsoever. quickly josh looks back at me with a shocked expression and looks back at david.

    "oh, sorry, man," josh apologizes. "should i not date her?" he whispers. i scrunch my eyebrows together, completely confused as to what the hell he meant by this. i wondered if he thought i screwed our relationship up. i wondered if he thought i just forgot about him and i. and honestly, you have to be quite blind to think that. i was madly in love, there's no denying that. and there still isn't.

    david was confused as well, and the expression on his face was quite obvious.

    "uh," he looks at me. "what do you mean?" and then he looks at josh. is it bad to say i still feel something in my stomach when i look at him?

    josh shrugs and grabs my hand, guiding me to sit down in the booth aggressively, across from the blonde staring me down with such anger.

    "i mean, look at her," josh whispers in david's ear. "i wouldn't be surprised if she was the toy sold in the store. or ya' know if she was the prostitute waiting for her clients to call back," he laughs, as if it was a joke. but truly, as he whispered these words, that brought an illness within me, i knew he wasn't lying. he thought that this, me, myself, and everything that contains my dna, was a toy. he thought women are true impurities to society and that when you see a rock on the street, you kick it. he thought it was normal. and here i thought, he was normal.

    quickly david looks at him with pure shock in his eyes just as i do. however, he says no word. he doesn't force the rejection in him that he knows this is false. all he does, is sit down, look at his model of a girlfriend, and laugh along with josh and little miss blondie.

    you could see it burning in his eyes that he was guilty, you could tell he knew this was wrong and everything in between. so, as an instinct i sit there, silent, as i stare at david with yet again, full betrayal. quickly he looks at me and watches my eyes burn with tears that i refuse to fall. and i could see his face soften with regret. and i don't once for a second feel bad for him. he deserves to watch me hurt.

    "hello, my name is tracy and i'll be your waitress for tonight." she interrupts as she hands each of us the menu's. "what would you guys like to drink?" she looks at everyone with questioning looks and everyone else but me order what they want to drink.

    "ma'am," tracy asks me. "what would you like to drink?" quickly before i answer, josh buds in.

    "she'll take red wine," he suggests. tracy then looks at me with shocked expression and i just shrug, allowing her to just get me wine.

    i could feel david's eyes burning me with a stare i can't place my finger on. i look up at him and stare back, watching him mouth, 'i'm sorry.' one thing i've learned with being in an abusive relationship, is that you should accept apologies and move on and hide your pain. never say how you feel.

    but instead, i roll my eyes and grab my napkin from my lap and quickly get up before throwing it to his face and storming off to leave this place.

    it was an actual blurr. i quickly ran out of the restaurant, ignoring anyones glances they passed me as tears streamed down my cheeks. i could hear my black heels pound in the puddles on the pavement as the rain flooded the streets of new york. i could feel the mascara bleed into my skin with pure black, leaving stains of pain and hurt. and quite frankly, it would've lost the impression of me being a so called, "prostitute waiting for one of my clients to call back," but honestly, that wasn't what killed me deep inside. i would've shrugged it off had david not laughed along.

    so i quickly run far from that place before anyone can find me, but of course that doesn't work as i hear david shout for my name.

    "leave me alone!" i shout as i hear footsteps become louder and louder. closer and closer. it feels as if this whole thing is a dream. a nightmare, perhaps. i try running further, but david's shoulder stops me from doing so and my back collides into david's chest as he holds my waist from behind, securing me in his grip from falling into the puddles the skies cry. suddenly i cry harder into his arms and i reject his arms by pushing him away.

    "go away," i shout. "you've done enough damage." he grabs my waist and looks at me with pure hurt.

    "no," he says. "i'm not leaving you." and of course i laugh through my tears in pure disbelief as i remember those were the same words he had said over and over again.

    "stop lying to me, i'm getting tired of hearing lies. especially yours." i spit at him as i pry away from him. but he holds me tighter, making me slip away from my senses as i sob.

    "liza, stop" he whispers as a tears falls down his cheek. "i'm not leaving. not tomorrow. not now. not ever." i pause and look at him as he holds me.

    "i'm never leaving you,"