friend zoned // larry ✔️

prologue

may 19th, 2015

there harry was again, picking louis up from a bar at three in the morning in his pajamas. harry was asleep when louis called him; he has louis ringtone volume turned up just so he can wake up to take louis' call. louis had his head against the window muttering something about how sorry that harry had to pick him up again.

harry try's his best to reassure louis that it's really no big deal, but he knows, as always, that it's for nothing. harry would gladly pick him up every night for the rest of his life if it meant that louis would be safe. harry knows how to take care of drunk louis, and the thought of someone else taking care of him sets harry off. even the smallest of things make louis throw a fit, harry knows just what to avoid around drunk louis, he's had years of experience.

harry drags louis up to his apartment, louis is capable of walking by himself but harry knows well enough that his stairs are too steep and hard to climb for normal louis let alone drunk louis. when they get into the apartment, the first thing harry does is start a kettle. the tea makes louis more aware and gives him less of a headache in the morning. harry has made it a habit to give louis tea every time he has to pick louis up.

harry takes louis to the couch and takes off his shoes and socks, louis hates to sleep in socks. harry grabs a damp washcloth and rubs it around louis face, louis hates to feel grimy in the morning, especially on his face. harry pulls at louis jeans and takes them off for him; then he takes off louis shirt, which had a wet spot on it. harry runs to his room to grab a hoodie, louis says he likes the smell of harry, that it makes him fall asleep. he slips the hoodie over louis head.

harry hears the kettle steaming and walks to the kitchen, he rubs his eyes tiredly and gets out louis' blue mug. harry grabs uncaffeinated camomile tea and puts two teaspoons of sugar and a teaspoon of honey in it. while harry is letting it steep he peeks into the living room to see louis with his knees pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped around his knees. louis head is resting on his knees and he is staring blankly at the wall. harry knows, just from his look, what louis is thinking.

harry sighs and grabs the mug to bring to louis, he sits next to louis and hands him the mug, he knows that in a few minutes louis will be more sober than he has been in the last couple of hours.

"i'm a piece of shit." louis mumbles into his mug, "i do this to you time and time again. wouldn't be surprised if next time you just didn't pick me up."

"i will always pick you up, lou." Harry says quietly. he lays a hand on louis knee.

"i know." louis says, "but it's not right, what i do to you. i make you feel like shit."

"you don't, lou." harry assures, "i love every minutes i spend with you, good or bad."

"i hate it when you say shit like that." louis mumbles, gripping tightly onto his mug. louis pauses for a long while before saying, "you love me."

harry nods. he regrets telling louis that he had fallen in love with him. harry knew that he would react badly, but he was too selfish to keep it to himself. since that day, two months ago, when harry told louis his feelings, nothing has been the same yet everything has been the same.

louis and harry still do their daily runs and saturday brunches together, they still hang out every chance they get, but something has shifted. louis doesn't touch harry as much as he used to, louis doesn't stay over at harry's anymore, and louis has been getting drunk off his ass for three saturday's straight.

harry has known for years that he was in love with his best friend, harry also knows that louis will never return the feeling. harry has had enough time to grasp the situation and understand that the feelings will never be returned. harry has learned to live with the sharp feeling he gets in his chest when louis talks about his latest fucks and past girlfriends. falling in love with louis isn't something recent.

louis doesn't understand, he doesn't understand how he never noticed before that harry is in love with him. now that it's out in the open it's so blatantly obvious. the was harry clings to louis bicep when they are together is only something someone would do if they liked the person. harry gives louis the most sentimental gifts and says things like "i would give you the world if you wanted it." louis feels utterly stupid now that he thinks about it. the things harry says and does with him aren't always bro-man type things.

"i don't love you." louis says, he's still a little drunk, his hands are shaking, "i wish i could love you like you love me but i can't."

harry sighs, he wants to yell at louis, scream at him i know! stop reminding me because every time you remind me it's a shot in the heart and i'm not sure how much i can handle. instead harry settles with a simple, "okay."

harrys hand is still on louis knee. he knows it shouldn't be there but he can't take it off, harry loves the feeling of louis, loves touching louis. he is selfish for leaving his hand there. selfish for wanting louis.

"i won't do this to you anymore, haz." louis says with determination. right now harry isn't sure if he is still completely drunk or just a little tipsy.

"you cry a lot." louis says, "don't pretend i don't notice, because i do. you have been more sad these last two months than you have been in years and it's because of me."

"you need to go to sleep, louis." harry says bitterly. harry doesn't need louis to tell him what is good or bad for his well being.

louis nods and finishes his tea, harry grabs a blanket from a compartment under the sofa and gives it to louis. harry makes sure louis is comfortable on the couch before he goes to his own bedroom, where he was before louis disturbed him in the first place.

-

harry,

i would like to start this letter off with i'm sorry. i'm sorry that i made you fall in love with me and i'm sorry that i don't love you back. in that way, at least.

i do love you, you've been my best friend since we were sixteen. i honestly don't know where or who i would be without you and i'm glad that you have supported me through everything. i would like to say that i support you too, and i did, until now.

i can't support you and continue to be your friend, not when i make you miserable all the time. it kills me to know that i'm the one that puts you through this pain and i can't stand to hurt you anymore. so i'm leaving, i have a new job in new york writing for a fashion magazine. honestly, i'm so excited for this job and i'm glad that i'm taking this opportunity.

please don't be sad and hung up on me, i'm not worth any of your tears or heartache. by the time you read this i should be heading to the airport. don't try to find me or contact me.

i'm sorry for being selfish and leaving on such short notice and not giving you a proper goodbye but i'm not sure i could bear a goodbye.

maybe in different times we will meet again, but until then all you will have is this note.

with love,
louis.