Reach out for the Sun [UsUk]

Five: Too Painful to Breathe

A/N: I suggest listening to Sia's "Breathe Me" while reading the first part of the chapter, and Dodie's "Burned Out" while reading the second. Just the melody fits, really. Those are this chapter's inspiration.

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Later in the day

Perhaps soulmates don't always work out. Sometimes the colour becomes dull, and the flame burns out, maybe from exhaustion, or something else entirely.

Alfred didn't understand that. And he never would.

He still remembered the day when his parents decided to split up. It felt like the whole world lost its colour, as if it was all grey now, all sorrowful... That was how both parents felt, he guessed. They certainly weren't happy, especially the mother.
But his mind couldn't comprehend why it happened in the first place. Two people who were, apparently, meant for each other - that's how the universe said it in its own language - split up?

Looking through the window from his bed, and getting lost in the green that the world offered him, all the trees, newly cut grass in the garden, Alfred thought that it wasn't on him to think about soulmates splitting up. His freshly found colour was too bright, almost blinding him, and his heart knew that it would never fade away.
In less than two days, Arthur and he managed to make a strong connection between each other.

But a part of him - the irrational part - had unreasonable doubts for the thought that things would be okay.

No matter what, though, for the first time in a long while, they were both glad to be alive. At least to a certain degree.

It was unbelievable, even magical, how the power of love was able to patch up shattered pieces of a heart once broken, how it could repair something that seemed impossible to heal, how it could bring such a strong will to live to those who felt it.
It didn't erase a history stained with darkness, no, but it created a path of new opportunities, a new page to write in an already existing book...

"It's strange, this thing called life." The young American spoke to himself, gazing at the outside world with a mesmerized expression. "We sometimes feel like we're worthless, hopeless, or think that our lives have no meaning... But with time we realize that we have all been brought here for a reason. Some are just meant to fight through the dark." He muttered the last words as a tear slid down his pale cheeks, and he wiped it away as soon as he noticed it. "And here I am, talking to myself, clinging to a past I'd rather forget than feel again, and at the same time trying to create a better future."

"Alfred? Are you okay?" Matthew peaked from behind the open door of his brother's room, noticing that the other got a bit carried away with his thoughts again.

Alfred turned around, glancing at the blurry figure. By now, he was crying freely, covering his face with his hands. "I'm fine", he said shakily, "just a bit confused." He gave his brother a weak smile. "But I'll be alright, I promise."

"Need help?"

"I mean, uh, well, kind of." He chuckled bitterly. "I can't get up."

"What do you mean?" Matthew raised an eyebrow at the statement, stepping into Alfred's room and approaching the bed on which the boy was sitting on.

I don't even know what I mean anymore. I don't know what this world means, I don't care, but I also want to find out.

Everything hurts me. I can't resemble whether it's physical or mental. Or both.

I'm afraid. Only now I understand how afraid I am of loving, of being with Arthur.

...Of losing him. Just like my parents split up. Were their colours so bright in the beginning, too? Or were they just pale traces of something that should have been beautiful?