(18+) The Punishment (Complete)

Ch. 10: Heartache

"Leah?"

My mom had been knocking on my door for hours.

"Leah... Open up. You need to eat something."

I felt empty. Completely drained of everything. How the hell did I end up like this? I knew he was going to stay for only a short period of time. And I also knew he was famous and had a lot of responsibilities around his work as a musician and entertainer. I knew... But my heart wouldn't listen.

He'd shown all of us a little of what was hidden inside him, and there was no doubt he had a potential hardly anyone on the planet could come close to. Of course he had to explore it, and to share it with the rest of the world! His talent in dancing and his incredible ability to express himself through the music was unique. I got goosebumps just thinking about his pure voice when he sang for us. I couldn't believe how patient he was with Jack. He really adored him, and to be honest, I think that went both ways.

I couldn't stop thinking about the time when I walked in on him dancing freestyle in the living room. Just the sight left me unable to function and I swear my heart stopped for a moment. Sure, I'd been flirting with him, but that was mostly just to tease him because he was so shy and slightly uptight. But to watch him dance like that made me realize that I was falling for him. Like, actually falling. And it had only been a week! Then again, who wouldn't? He was one of the finest and most attractive young men on the planet. Millions of women were crushing on him, and it was like he was created just to make us all crazy.

"Please open the door, sweetie. I brought you some leftovers from dinner."

She knocked once more, and I finally dragged myself to the door and unlocked it. I didn't bother to open it. I just dumped back down on the bed like a sack of potatoes. Mom carefully opened the door and placed the tray on my desk. It smelled good, but I wasn't hungry. And when she sat down next to me and put her arm around my shoulders and pulled me tight, I broke down again and sobbed so hard that my whole body was shaking.

"My little baby... I hate to see you so sad."

She kissed my teary cheek and paused.

"I heard you two last night. He really loves you, you know. Life just isn't that easy always."

"I know. But it hurts so bad," I cried into her neck, and she stroked my hair the way Michael did when I cried in his arms up at the cabin.

"And I didn't even say goodbye to him. How could I not do that, mom?"

I pulled away to wipe my nose and cheeks.

"I don't think he could say it to you either," she said sympathetically. "He was devastated."

We looked at each other. My eyes hurt from all the crying, and I couldn't imagine how horrible I looked.

"Maybe you can see him again someday? We can go to a concert if you'd like."

I shook my head. I didn't want that.

"We can buy his new album. That way you can hear his voice again."

"That's not the same, mom. Even if we visited his family, it wouldn't be the same."

She sighed.

"Do you think we could visit them some day?"

Mom smiled.

"I don't know, dear. They are busy, you know. And your father hasn't had much contact with Joseph until recently. Who knows how long it will be 'till next time?"

"You're not helping much," I groaned and made her giggle.

"I'm sorry," she pouted and made me smile a bit.

"Look, why don't you come join us in the living room? You can't sit here in your room alone all evening."

"No, mom. I need to be alone. Please? I'll be fine."

...someday.

She looked at me with such love and care only a mother could do, and gave me a tiny smile.

"Just eat a little. You haven't tasted food since breakfast. And you hardly ate then either."

I nodded and sighed in defeat, and she gave me an encouraging pat on my back.

"That's my girl," she said as she got up. Then she gave me a kiss on the forehead and shut the door when she left my room. I had to admit it. Our talk made me feel a little better, but I still couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks.

I almost lost him to the avalanche. I could still feel the panic when I searched for him in the snow. And when I saw his hand, so ice-cold and lifeless... I really thought it was too late. Nevertheless, I had to try and save him, so I found a large branch and dug into the snow. I got his face free and found that he was still breathing, but I was devastated when he didn't respond when I called his name. He didn't react when I slapped his face either. And he didn't react when I kissed his lips and said 'I'm sorry for slapping you, but you need to wake up'.

I don't know how long it took to get him out, and I have no idea how I got him to Marcus's cabin. But I did. All by myself. In the growing darkness. In the cold and all that damn snow. And I knew he was only minutes away from freezing to death. So I pulled the only bed that was there, closer to the fireplace and somehow managed to lift him up so he could get warm underneath all the blankets and duvets I could find. Then I lit up the fire as fast as possible before I peeled his clothes off one at the time.

"Please wake up, Michael! Please don't die! I love you."

I tried to rub some warmth into him with my hands, but soon decided that the fireplace did a much better job than hands that were so cold, they were numb. Unfortunately, there was hardly any more wood left inside, and I had to see if I could find some more in Marcus' old shed. If not, we'd both probably freeze to death unless someone found us in time. But we were lucky. There were lots of wood. Thanks to Marcus, we were safe.

I grabbed as many logs I could possibly carry and headed back to the cabin. I almost tripped because I couldn't feel my legs, and that damn door wouldn't open. If you've ever tried to open a tricky door with numb fingers and both of your arms filled with something so big and heavy that you couldn't see what you were doing, you'd know the struggle. But somehow, I managed.

I put more wood into the fire and started taking off my clothes. I was shivering and my teeth were chattering, and I was literally so cold I started not to feel cold anymore, which is a dangerous sign of severe hypothermia. Dad told me about that after his cousin's near drowning accident. Hopefully my clothes would dry quickly, so I could get warm again. In the meantime, I would wrap myself in the only blanket I didn't give Michael and wait. But suddenly I heard his weak voice. He'd made it! He pulled through!

He opened his covers, and I was suddenly reminded that we were naked. He'd seen me before in the sauna, but it still made me blush.

Oh, what would I give to be in that sauna now.

"Come here," he said, and I hesitantly approached him. All I wanted to do was to run into his arms and tell him to hold me until the end of forever, but I couldn't do that. I knew I should stay away. Nevertheless, I was so cold that I chose to make an exception. Just this once. Neither of us would get hurt because it wouldn't mean anything. But when I felt his safe arms wrap safely around the, everything inside me broke. I cried like a little baby. All the frustration and sadness. All the anxiety and the tension. Everything came out as once, and he kept holding me until I calmed down. And then he suddenly said it. Those three magical words.

"I love you."

He told me he loved me, yet now he was gone. I almost lost him to the avalanche. Now I'd lost him to the world.

God, how much was it possible to cry?

I heard a knock on the door again.

"Mom, I told you I wanted to be alone..." I started and turned around. But the sight that met me made me completely froze, and I blinked a couple of times before I managed to breathe.

"Michael?"