A Jacob Black Love Story

*clears throat and does a little vocal warm up before walking on stage*

"I would like to say-"

"YOU FORGOT TO TEST THE MICROPHONE!" the audience yells.

I roll my eyes. "Testing, testing. One. Two. Three."

The audience claps in approval.

"Hello, people! Cookie dough ice cream is bae!" I call out, grinning like an idiot.

Silence.

"So, I'm not trying to sound like a selfish bitch or anything, but. . ." I trail off as I try to think of a way to say this without sounding rude.

"YOU'RE AS SLOW AS MY GRANNY!" someone yells. "HURRY UP!"

"Don't insult your granny like that! God damn!" I snap. Young people making fun of old people these days. Jesus.

"Anyways, my book is a place where you can read and state your opinion on it by commenting. It kinda makes me sad when nobody comments on my books AT ALL since I don't know what you guys want and like in a story and stuff.

"Plus, haters aren't allowed. My mama always said that if you have something rude to say, don't say anything at all. So, dear haters, the word awesome has a 'me' in it and the word ugly has a 'u' in it. And to all you people that don't hate, you're awesome.

"Haters, if you hate my book just delete it or something. That's literally all you have to do. If you hate something, keep it to yourself unless someone says that honesty hats have to be on. It'll make the world a better place if you don't hate on everything."

*clears throat again*

"To all you nonhaters, you're awesome so stay awesome. Don't let the haters take you to the dark side. I appreciate you all for giving my book a chance. Thanks so much."

"UNICORNS ARE AMAZEBALLS!" I shout before I walk off the stage.

🦄🙂😘

"BTW," I say before walking all the way out, "this story was made when I was twelve, so there's probably a lot of mistakes."