these darkened stars {andy biersack}

chapter seventeen

it was the first of december now. winter was settling in, and though they had made it to los angeles, they were beginning to feel the chill, too. he took alex shopping to buy them both more appropriate winter attire (which consisted of only long-sleeved tees and sweaters, considering it was basically a desert in l.a.). there was also another reason for that, too, one that neither of them had talked about but silently agreed on.

soon, she'd be showing. she still hadn't decided what to do, and he knew she felt like she was running out of time. but every time he looked at her, her face was torn in two. she was conflicted, of course she was. but she hadn't voiced it yet, so he didn't press her about it. it was hard because this was a human life they were talking about, one who hadn't even started living yet. he knew she'd feel guilt for a long while if she went through with abortion. but if she kept the baby, she'd truly have to live with what that monster of a man had done to her for the rest of her life. that was definitely something she hadn't been wanting to face. he already lived in her nightmares.

currently, she stood in front of a full-length mirror in only her bra and a pair of sweats. she turned to the side, a hand splayed across her stomach, eyes lined with silver. his heart ached at the sight, pulling him to her from where he leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom.

there was a bump, or at least the beginning of one, her stomach heavier than it had been a few weeks ago, and that had not been from the nearly outrageous amount of take-out they'd been eating. it turned everything so much more real, the events that led her here so much more real.

he took the hand that wasn't pressed against her stomach and brought it to his lips, brushing comforting kisses over her knuckles.

"i wish this wasn't happening," alex's voice broke. she was still staring in the mirror, eyes glued to the place her child grew. "and what's worse? my heart is filled with this-this love for it. but i... i don't think i can keep this baby, andy."

his mouth set into a tight line, bending down and reaching for the backpack he'd discarded earlier and pulling out a black tee. he gestured for her to lift her arms up and she obliged, biting the inside of her lip. he slid the tee over her arms and head and adjusted it until it reached mid-thigh. then he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her close.

"keeping a child because you feel like you have to is not always the right choice to make," he reminded her, "this choice will always be yours and yours alone to make. don't punish yourself, lovebug. this is not and has never been your fault, okay?"

she nodded into his shirt and squeezed him tightly before letting go. "can we go out and do something today?"

"that sounds like a great idea," he agreed and followed her out of the bathroom. "what do you wanna do?"

she shrugged and hauled her duffel bag up on to the bed, digging through it to find proper clothing. "i don't know yet, but we'll figure it out eventually."

from behind her, he smiled, and it almost felt how it used to, when she was still so wild and reckless without a care about anything but having an adventure and feeling good. not that it wasn't the same, he could still see her hunger for that adventure. there was just a softer side to her now, something that had always been a part of her and she finally allowed him to see. no more hiding.

that being said, they needed something to perk them up today. he already knew the perfect thing to do.

"what do you think about going on a little adventure today, alexander?"

when she turned to him, an unrelenting grin broke out on her face.

"well, andrew, i certainly wouldn't object."