My Night Time World.

Breathe.

The thudding sound of my feet echoed through out the darkness.
My heart beating so fast in my chest that it shock my rib cage.
My breath was visible in the cold dark air.
I took deep breathes as I kept running.

Running has been all I've been doing lately.
I've been running in the waking world.
I've been physically running.
I've been running from my problems, just burying my head in the sand.
And now, well now I'm running in my dreams too.
I'm running from you.
Or are you running from me?

I haven't really been able to tell latterly.
We seems to be switching roles I guess.

I inhaled sharply as my feet came to a sudden stop.
My body all out of balance as I almost fell of this random edge that came from out of no where.

The dirt crumbled beneath my feet as I quickly jumped back.
I turned as a light flicked on.
There you all stood.

I had never related more to The Fray's song Over My Head as much as I do in this moment.
You was all quiet literally stood in a queue waiting to turn and run.
I just need someone but I'm left with nothing as one by one you come up to me. You tell me the usual things.

"I hate you."

"You're a monster."

"You're a complete cunt."

"You don't deserve to be here."

"You're a waste of space and a waste of a human."

"You're so whiney."

"Honestly you take up too much space."

You would of thought that by now I'd be used to it. But I'm not. I start to cry and sob and ask all of you not to leave.

"Someone's got to love me right?" I call to deaf ears as I sob and fall to the ground.

"Why doesn't anyone want me? What's so wrong with me?" I ask the darkness as I sit up on my knees.

"I just want someone to love me. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel loved. Is it so wrong that I just want a place to belong? Why can't I just have someone?" I ask as I sob and sob.

I wake up unable to breathe. I gasp for air as the tears run down my cheeks. You would of thought that after having these dreams every night for almost 6 years I be used to it but it doesn't get any easier.

I place my hand on my chest as I try to stop myself from sobbing so I can fill my lungs with air.

The darkness of my room felt like it was shrinking around me. My face all tingling as I tried to get more air. My eyes felt heavy and for a moment or two it feels like I'm going to lose consciousness.
But I don't.
I keep my eyes open as I try to breathe.
I try to turn my mind to other things.
4:15. Less then an hour before I have to get up for college.

My whole bodies starting to ache now. None of my muscles getting the oxygen the need as I desperately tried to gasp for air. I try to stop sobbing but I just can't stop.

After a while which felt like eternity I managed to stop sobbing and to breathe again. The darkness going back to its original size.

I look up at the ceiling. My face covered in dry tears as fresh Ines fall from my eyes.

"Don't you think you've taken enough from me? Haven't these last years been enough for you? Can you please just give me something I can keep? I am so tired of losing everything and everyone." I said out loud to god knows who.

"I at least just want my sleep back. Please? Is it really to much to ask?" I added.