My Night Time World.

Leave me alone.

"Can we meet?"  Your text said.

"Erm sure?" I replied uncertain.

We hadn't spoken in a while, well not pleasantly.

I walked down the road to a brick wall were you sat. You didn't look happy as the sun hit its peak.  I sat down next to you. My usual get up for warm days, a tank top, black jean shorts and converse. You was in so grey shorts, a white short sleeved top and some checkered vans.

We sat there talking about what was wrong. I didn't say much, I just listened.

As the moon began to shine your phone went off. I caught a glimpse of who it was. It was her.

"You're with her now aren't you? Has she even told you she's pregnant?" The text read.

You turned to me with confusion and anger.

"How far?" He asked.

"It doesn't matter." I said shaking my head.

"It does if it's mine." You said.

"No it doesn't. I know what we agreed if it happened and I've just decided to let it happen." I answered.

"You can't do that. If you stand up and we do this-" he started as he tried to position himself.

"I think I am but I haven't done a test and I won't be doing one. I don't want to know because then I have to do something about it."  I stated.

"But-" You began.

"It doesn't matter. I can look after a baby by myself if I am and if I'm not then okay." I interrupted.

We spoke for a little bit longer then I made my way home.

I stood at my front door as my phone rang. A number appeared. I answered it and she began screaming down the phone to me. I let out a small sigh.

"Look, don't ring me and start screaming at me because he's come to me to talk because you two are in a bad place. I'm not his friend, he hates me until he wants something, so there's no risk of him running off with me." I replied.

"I just wish he'd talk to me more when he's in a bad place." She said.

"That's what it was like when I was with him. Then when he ended it I was made to be the root to all his problems." I replied.

"I just don't want him to leave." She sighed.

"If he does it will be with a "friend" you never even heard the name off and he'll get with her pretty much straight away. And if he does I'll tell I told you so cause I did." I said before hanging and go inside my house.

I woke up. My room still pitch black. I thought I was going to get a good night's sleep but here I am at 4 again. Awake because my dreams can't just be okay for one night. And you won't get out of them and leave. I just want it to stop. I want the dreams to stop, the voice to stop. I just want to be left alone  but here I am. Why can't they just leave me alone?  They all have in the conscious world so why not in my dream world too? I need help.

I couldn't breath as my face tingled. I began to gasp for air. The fifth panic attack I've had over the last three nights. Tears ran down my face as I tried to breath. 

The worst part about a panic attack for me is because I can't deal with them anymore. I just try to breath and  remind myself that I am okay and I will be fine but lately that hasn't exactly been true so it doesn't work. My minds so full all the time that its hard to do anything anymore. I used to function better than this. Now I spend my time trying to fix myself, I've tried running but I am just running from my problems. I stand more alone now then before. I had a taste of what it's like to now be alone but I got thrown straight back to being lonely again. I guess that's why it hurts  more this time around I guess. I'll be fine though because people weren't meant to stay.