What I never knew I always wanted (finn wolfhard x reader)

13

It was dark. I was standing in the middle of the dark street, nothing but a single flickering street lamp to provide light.
"Finn?" I called out, my voice echoing down the street.
"Finn!" It was no use, no one could hear me out here.
"Kelsie!" I suddenly heard through the darkness. "Kelsie help!" It was Finn's voice.
I started sprinting in his direction, following the sound of his voice.
"Finn! Finn where are you!" I screamed. I slowed my pace, not hearing a reply back.
"Finn?!"
Nothing but complete silence. Then i felt it. All the hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up. I slowly spun around to see none other than satan himself.
"Kelsie" Jacob said, smiling evilly, slowly creeping toward me.
"No. You're not real. This is a dream" i said, slowly backing up.
"Is it? Because I think you and I both know that its not" he hissed at me, turning his head slightly, making him look even more horrifying.
"Stay away from me!" I screamed, turning and sprinting away from him. Suddenly I slammed into something hard and flew backward.
Jacob stood in front of me, his eyes turning red and his smile stretching his face.
"You cant run from me. Ill always find you." He repeated over and over, i tried to scream over the noise, but he just got louder and louder.
Then he reached a hand out and grabbed my throat.
"FINN!" I screamed, sitting straight up in bed, throwing the covers off my body.
Finn was already awake, crouching next to me, hands on my shoulders, eyes wide open in concern.
I was shaking convulsively, unable to move or do anything but stare at Finn.
I could see Finn's mouth moving, but i couldnt understand what he was saying. Finn lightly shook my shoulders, trying to get a reaction out of me but i was paralyzed by fear.
The dream felt so real, so realistic. Too realistic.
A single tear escaped his eye and rolled down his cheek, and thats when i snapped out of my haze. "Kelsie, Kelsie please say something, anything"
Finn pleaded, another tear rolling down his cheek. Tears rolled down my cheeks, slowly at first, then flowing out like a river.
Finn grabbed me tightly, holding me against his chest, stroking my head and rocking me back and forth to try to calm me down.
But i couldnt calm down. I was shaking so hard I couldn't stop myself. I felt a drop hit my nose, and looked up to see Finn's eyes full of tears.
I reached up and wiped them away, and he grabbed my hand and leaned his face into it.
"kelsie, baby, please tell me whats wrong" he begged me, our tears mixing.
"i want to help you, but i dont know whats going on and its ripping me apart. i need you to trust me, and tell me. please"
i knew i had to tell him. i owed it to him. i nodded my head and wrapped my arms tighter around him.
i took a few deep breaths, in and out, in and out, and collected myself.
It was just a dream. Im safe here. It was only a dream.
"Can we go on the balcony?" I asked softly. he nodded his head yes, helped me stand up, grabbed my hand and lead me out onto the balcony.
I knew this was gonna be tough for me, but he deserved to know. I sat down on the edge, and he sat next to me. I looked up into his eyes, and he nodded his head reassuringly.
"A few years ago, i met this boy named Jacob. We were friends in sixth grade, best friends. We used to hang out all the time and we were super tight. I trusted him with everything, secrets i never told anyone, deep personal secrets. And he was the only person that knew about my abusive dad. Theres one more thing i didnt tell you about my dad" i said quietly, terrified about what i was about to tell him. he took my hand in his gently
" what is it?"
I took in a shakey breath, and closed my eyes.
"My dad didnt just abuse my mom...he abused me too. he would always come drunk, and sometimes my mom wasnt enough for him, so he would.. abuse me too. not just physically but sexually"
i couldnt believe i had just told him that.
fear took over me and i stared at the ocean, considering jumping off the balcony onto the rocks below.
"kelsie, im so... im so sorry" Finn said softly, with tears forming in his eyes, and in mine.
"I.. i never told anyone that. except for jacob. its one of the deepest wounds i have, and i dont go telling just anyone that. jacob was the only one. anyway, we started to like eachother in 8th grade. he was my first real boyfriend. we did everything together, basically lived together.
my mom died a few months after we started dating. his mom and my mom had been good friends, so his mom took me in. one night, jacob came into my room and started trying stuff on me. i didnt think much of it so i just pushed him off and told him i wasnt ready since we were only 8th graders and i wanted to wait until i was in love. but he wouldnt have it. he got really offended that i wasnt in love with him and forced me to say i was.
i told him i couldnt, because we were too young to know what love was. and that made him mad. really mad. he pushed me up against a wall and started to kiss all over me. i tried to push him off and yell for his parents, but they werent home. he knew they werent home.
i tried to beg him not to but he didnt listen. he.. he.." i couldnt finish the sentence, the words got caught in my throat as i think about everything he has put me through.
i clamp my hand over my mouth to keep a sob from coming out.
finn picks me up and lays down on the hammock, holding me closer than he ever has before. tears fell out of his eyes like acid rain, and mixed in with mine.
"there was nothing i could do. i couldnt move. no one could help me. i finally broke away from him and ran away from his house. i didnt even bring anything with me, i just ran. i was so scared, i had no where to go. i ran all the way to ellas house, which was three hours away in a car. at night i slept in the woods, using an old blanket i found.
i made it to ellas house after a couple days. i lived with her for about 2 months with no sign of Jacob. I was finally starting to feel safe, so we went to a festival one night with a group of friends. And he found me. I left the group for one second to throw something away. before i knew what was happening, he threw a bag over my head and grabbed me. no one noticed because i was right by the woods so he grabbed me and pulled me in. i tried to run from him but he had another friend with him, and he hit me with something hard, and made me go unconscious. i woke up tied to a tree, like some kind of cliche horror movie. there was some kind of cloth tied to my mouth, so i couldnt make any noise. and he and his friend took advantage of me right there in the woods. i have no clue how he found me, he didnt even know ella existed, i never told him about her. they took the cloth off and ran away before anyone could see them.
I remember how it felt. i screamed so hard my throat felt like it was on fire. I remember the sound of sticks breaking as my friends ran through the woods trying to find me. I remember everything. the next day, ella and I packed up and went to her cousins house. weve lived there ever since. until we came here. and to this day, not a single night has gone by that i dont wake up in the middle of the night because of that asshole. not one night" i breathed out, coming down off my rush of strength that i had felt just moments before while i was pouring my heart out to him.
i looked at finn to see his reaction. his face was blank, his mouth pressed into a tight line as he stared out at the ocean.
Youve said to much. He doesnt want you anymore, youre too fucked up for him. Hes gonna leave you my brain hissed at me.
"Finn" i whispered, trying to get his attention
"please say something. please. i wanted to tell you so badly but i couldnt. I literally couldnt. I didnt want you to look at me any differently, i didnt want you to think i was weak. please dont blame me, please dont be mad. youre all i have left and i cant lose you too" i whispered , hugging his arm tightly.
He turned to me, his face in shock.
" blame you for this? i would never ever blame you for this. this was not in any way your fault. it was that lowlife asshole jacobs fault. how dare he. how fucking dare he"
finn looked angrier than i had ever seen him before. his jaw was tense and he was practically shaking from anger. suddenly, he put 2 and 2 together ,
" he found you the other night, didnt he?" I nodded my head slowly, remembering everything that happened that night.
"ill kill him. i will fucking kill him. he will never touch you again. if he so much as lays a finger on you i will murder him"
there was a fire burning behind finns eyes, he looked like he was about to explode. He looked down at me and his face softened.
" it will never happen again, i promise you. i swear on my life that i will die before that asshole ever touches you again"
i laced my fingers with his and leaned my head on his shoulder, cuddling into him. His face drops suddenly, and he turns to look at me, looking crushed.
"i shouldve been there. i shouldnt have let him get anywhere near to you. i shouldve protected you from him, i shouldve gotten there faster. this is all my fault. i shouldve been there" he said sadly, another tear escaping his eye and dripping down his freckled cheek.
"No Finn this wasnt your fault, it was my own. i shouldnt have gone so far from the house. this had nothing to do with you, there was nothing you could do" i said, now crying for the millionth time tonight. "This will never happen again. i will always be here to protect you. you never have to feel scared again, because if he ever shows his face i will destroy him. i promise you. you are completely safe, i will never let him hurt you ever again."
Finn scooped me up in his arms and brought me inside, laying down with me still tightly wrapped in his arms. I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat, exhausted from all my crying, but so happy i told him.
it was amazing, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. and laying here in his arms i felt safer than ever before. just as i was drifting off to sleep i felt him kiss my head.
"I love you, kelsie" he mumbled, pulling me into his chest.
"I love you too, Finn"