Sebastian Stan/Bucky Barnes Smut

When He Loses You (Part Two)

A/N: WHO IS READY FOR SMUT?????

P.S. Please listen to me. This is a really dark chapter. I didn't initially intend for it to be so but the more I wrote, the more it evolved. The message it contains is that no matter how dark things become, there is always a reason to live. A reason to remain breathing. But it does start with the darkness. It had to. The ending is the reason not to give up. I needed to type this message, as I didn't want anyone to be triggered. You don't deserve that. You deserve to be happy. Remember that. You matter. So please, don't read this if you are easily affected. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. You don't. You deserve to tell someone what is wrong. You deserve to be listened to, understood and helped. You are truly amazing.



****




They had their money and you, well you were easily expendable.





It weighed heavily upon you, the tenebrosity- obsidan black and deathly cold. Oppressive.




Yet you refused embrace the light. The saving illumination that could restore such equilibrium to your life.



Within the constraining darkness, you found a comforting pain. Surprisingly addictive and undeniably dangerous.




Cerebrum, Cerebellum, Hypothalamus, Pituitary Gland, Parietal Lobe, Temporal Lobes- all infected with the idealism of a poetic death.



At worst, you would live and forever be plagued by this moment. At best...




Life but a mere string of sentences. Finally, you had run out of words.




Except that was not the case. You were the author. The novel not yet complete. Thump. Thump. Thump. The typewriter sounded, adding verse upon verse to your weary tale. Your blood, it's ink.



The murkiness thinned from around you and paled into non-existence- your longing for the blissfull unaware intensified, to the point where you were sure it would burst forth from your rib cage, sending shrapnel in all directions. How many more would you hurt?




Then it came. The frightfully beautiful breath of life, which bloomed within you like a tainted peonie- it's petals marred with a disgusting tar. A dirt you yourself could never wipe away.




The inevitable occurred, the blinding radiance that filled your sight. It was agonising. So long you had resided within the dark and now, you had emerged into the reality you wished to escape.




But you he saw it, the celestial being. It stared at you , with a look of...fear? Hope? Relief? Surely you were too impure to be spied by such a perfect creature?




It's cheeks stained with bitterly sad tears. Rivers, as opposed to a single stream. Did it weep for your soul?




The angel whispered a desperate plea, which consisted of three simple words: "Don't leave me."



Could you accept the light? Even just to appease the angel's distressed mantra?



You gazed upon it's facial features, so flawless. The eyes, so wide and filled to the brim with imploration for you to remain in the land of consciousness.




The wording had changed to a slightly different variation of the prayer it had previously beseeched. "Stay with me."



It dawned upon you that this was your own personal angel. Your companion. The one you had only recently pushed away. The one you should have kept close but failed to do so.



You recalled your final meeting. You had faced him, a look of hatred on your face because of something he had said or did. It had been a moronic act on his behalf.



Could you really just drift away, knowing your last words to him had been 'I hate you'?



With a newfound resolve, you began to breathe with more effort, so to force the oxygen to inhabit your exhausted lungs.




To refuse the request such a heavenly entity would be such a severe crime, one that would truly blacken your name. Permanently.




You were going to live because Bill had willed it.



****


Present Day.


Bucky could tell that he was losing you, your eyes were glazing over and lips moving in soundless words of fear. You were no longer in the room but in a place far away in your mind, in a place he needed to save you from.



He brought a hand up your face, cupping your cheek with his palm. His thumb brushed against your cheekbone, a gesture he had often done when soothing you. "(Y/N)," he called to you softly. "Come back to me, sweetheart. You don't need to relive it all."



He entwined his hand with yours, squeezing it gently, trying to bring you back to the present.



Slowly he could see you returning to him as he continued to call your name and remind you that the kidnapping was all but a distant nightmare.


"Bucky..." you gasped breathlessly.


"I'm here, sweetheart."


"Don't..." you cleared your throat and pushed away the fear. "Don't let me slip away like that again."



"I promise, (Y/N), I've got you. You're not going anywhere. I won't lose you."




If you hadn't been crying before, you were now. His final words rang through your ears like an alarm, a wake up call. He had whispered that same sentence to you when you had been struggling with your recovery.



"Shh, it's okay," he crooned, rocking you back and forth slightly, attempting to soothe your tortured soul. "It's all going to be okay." he carefully placed a kiss on your temple, his lips lingering for a moment before they travelled to your cheekbone.



Your tears slowly dried and the storm clouds that had plagued your brain for so many months, were starting to dissolve. Clear skies were definitely on the forecast.



Hesitantly, your boyfriend's soft lips met your. The short embrace stole your breath away, leaving you hungry for more. The sorrow was gone but you needed him, you needed him to fill your senses, to remind you so intimately that it was going to be okay.



Your arms wrapped around his neck, gently pulling him to you. Things became more heated. Kisses, more passionate. Your hands fumbled for the buttons on his shirt, whilst Joe could hardly control himself enough to free you of your clothing.



You both needed each other so much. Clothing was just an unnecessary and added barrier.



As soon as you were devoid of any material, you impatiently waited for your beloved to slip on that all important condom.




Time was slipping away and your anxiety screamed for him, desperate to have your lover near you once more.



Bucky was your lifeline, the only thing keeping you sane and out of your head.



His comforting arms encircled you thankfully, once more. Chest to chest, you could feel his steadying and reassuring heartbeat against yours.



It was a gentle union. One full of soft gasps, tender touches and encouraging words.




As you watched him eventually come undone, you knew- you just knew- that everything was going to be okay. It had to be. I was going to be because after rain clouds, came a clear, blue sky...



****



A/N: Never stop smiling. You're going to be okay.