so i am still here still breathing . . . . sadly
so my mum yelled at me for not studying, yelled as in raised her voice and you're probably thinking oh no your mum yelled at you big deal suck it up
1.) fuck you (if you where thinking that i am not trying to be rude sorry)
2.)i have very sensitive ears
3.) loud noises frighten me
4.) i am having a rough time as it is
so that made me a little stressed and i am aloud to be stressed and today i have had five panic attacks instead of my normal three (i mean having three panic attacks is not normal but that's besides the point) my paranoia, anxiety, and depression have been through the roof today and it hurts like hell and i don't know what to do last night i drafted a suicide note but then i threw it away i was going to down a whole bottle of pills that are in the cabinet but it didn't BUT DEAR GO I WISH I DID AND THIS IS NOT JUST BECAUSE OF MY MOTHER YELLING AT ME I HAVE BEEN YELLED AT MORE THAN ENOUGH TO GET USED TO IT I AM JUST SO FUCKING DONE WITH EVERY THING I'M JUST SO DONE WITH MY MUMS BULLSHIT I'M SO DONE WITH MY DADS BULLSHIT I'M SO DONE WITH MY BULLSHIT I JUST WANT TO FUCKING END IT ALL AND YET I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO DO IT!
i was siting at my computer and i started having a mental break down so i started crying then as soon and my brother walked in the room i started laughing hysterically there where tears streaming down my face as i was laughing like a mad man all my brother did was look at me like i was freak i ended up screaming and i ran outside into the snow i was wearing shorts a sweater and no shoes i threw my body into the snow and laid there crying and as each tear ran down my cheek i began to grow colder but i stayed outside for an hour till my episode was over my hands and knees where red from sitting in the snow i think i have gone insane i think i'm officially gone i haven't been to a therapist in a year i wasn't able to get on antidepressants or any other medication to help me for that matter because i was 12 ( i mean besides some sleeping pill anyone could get there hands on) so i had no help at all so FUCKING HELL I HAVE HAD A ROUGH TIME
what have we learned today :
Ash is insane and mentally gone
~Ashton Bernadette Bounds~
~1/18/2018~
YOU ARE READING
my vocabulary
De Todothis constists of the things is say on the regular and what goes on in m,y brain it's either really random and dumb or super forken sad
