Red Dwarf - Here No Evil (Cured Redux)

Chapter Three

With the Cat now following Kryten, Aria and Rimmer, they all headed back to Starbug. They heard the distinct sound of Lister playing guitar, which told them he had beaten them there. Suddenly, they heard Lister singing; a noise that wasn't too easy on the ears. A few seconds later, a second voice chimed in.

"Is that who I think it is?" Rimmer knitted his eyebrows together in puzzlement.

Aria nudged the hologram. "What's the matter, Rimmsy? Jealous?"

"What? No! Are you mad? Of course, I'm not jealous!" He was lying, of course, but he hoped his denials were enough of a front. "It's just not something he should do with Hitler, that's all."

"Mm, right," She nodded. "You're right, it should be with you."

Quickly and repeatedly, he told her no, but his brain was saying yes. "Look, the leader of the Third Reich is far too—" He didn't finish his thought. Aria had really hit on the head of the nail, and denying it was as futile as carrying water with a knife — but he would damn well try. An airless sigh escaped his flared nostrils. "Let's just go!" he snapped. Anger like sharp barbs formed on his words.

Aria smirked, knowing full well that he was only angry because he knew she was right. Whatever you say, Captain Bollocks, she thought. In that moment, she began to feel a little better. Her lips parted in a grin as she watched the perturbed hologram walking ahead of her in a slight huff. "Whatever you say..."

The four of them stood gawking in the doorway near the scanner table, just arriving as Lister and his new friend bellowed out the last few lines of The Happy Wanderer. When they finished, Aria clapped and hollered, and even requested a rendition of Free Bird.

"Thank you deep space!" Dolfy shouted, thrusting his fist in the air.

"Lister," Rimmer jerked his thumb behind him. "can I have a word?"

Lister handed his guitar back to Dolfy. "Here... Why don't you head back to the station?"

He hesitated to nod, then walked off, head lowered and staring at the floor in disappointment.

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The five of them crammed into the cockpit of Starbug while Rimmer had more than just a single word with Lister. Well, he did have a word, and it was the same seven letter word he'd use to call his step-father; one he'd rather not say in front of a woman.

"Jamming with Hitler? You think that's alright?" Rimmer sounded like a father scolding his son. It certainly felt like it. "Can't you see what he's doing? Before you know it, he'll have you in lederhosen playing Tomorrow Belongs To Me."

Aria's eyes squinted, thinking. "Wasn't that song on an episode of Spitting Image?"

Lister snapped his fingers and pointed at her. "Oh, yeah! That was great! I—"

Rimmer spat their names from his mouth like a sharp tack. "What is wrong with you two? You have about as much discipline as Kryten's spare head two."

"I got carried away, I thought it was the right thing to do." Lister couldn't stay still, his body swaying anxiously; he couldn't even look Rimmer in the eyes. He felt awful but at the same time, it was the most fun he'd had in ages.

"The right thing to do? Playing soft rock with the man who caused World War II?"

"Playing soft rock?" Cat echoed with disdain in his voice. "That's never the right thing to do!"