Loving you | Chanbaek

- Twenty

Guilt is creeping through Chanyeol's body as his eyes are fixated on a certain blond in front of him, who's staring on the table in order to avoid the taller's eyes. I fucked up so bad. He sighs, running a hand through his brown hair while voices keep penetrating his ears. Maybe a cafe wasn't the best place to meet.

Since he has entered this cafe, Baekhyun kept mute, not even minding him a single glance. Maybe Baekhyun already hated him way too much, maybe he didn't even get a second ch-

"You wanted to talk Chanyeol. I'm listening."

Chanyeol gulps, his throat turning dry all of a sudden. "Uhm, ya.." Baekhyun is pacing his fingers forth and back on the wooden table, chewing on his lips nervously as Chanyeol tries to order his thoughts in a chronological order. "I'm an asshole-"

"You already said that." The taller glances at the blond, his body stiffening. "Let me finish please." He inhales sharply, glancing at Baekhyun who's still not minding him a single gaze. "I'm an asshole, I'm aware of that.. and I do a lot of mistakes. My decisions, they are.." He stops for a moment of silence, looking down at the fingers placed on his knees. "Crap. They're literally crap, but when I'm with you I feel different.. and for once I want to do something right because I just can't stand the thought of you hating me. Please forgive me, Baekhyun. I hurt you.. But I won't do it again, never. Can we maybe.. start over?"

Chanyeol closes his eyes as the last words are leaving his lips, fear now covering every part of his body. He's afraid, afraid of Baekhyun's reaction. What if he rejects me? What if he says no?

"I agree with you. You're an asshole and you don't really make great decisions.." The taller's eyes open, staring directly at the blond who's still touching the surface with his fingers. "As wonderful as it sounds.. I mean starting over, as even more painful it is to say no. I can take this Chanyeol. It hurts, it hurts-"

"I won't hurt you again. Never, please-"

"No. It's not just that certain incident.. You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me." And then Baekhyun looks up, staring directly into the darkness of Chanyeol's orbs. The taller bites his lips, watching how the blond's eyes get teary with every breath leaving the tip of his lips. Oh my god, please don't cry. I'm so sorry, please. His heart is stone-hard all of a sudden, a thousand of unknown feelings creeping in it.

"I like you, you idiot." Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun with wide eyes, a smile making its way on his face. "I like you too-"

"No. That's what I mean, you don't understand." The smile fades from his lips, his eyebrows furrowed now. "Be clear please."

"Okay.." He watches how Baekhyun exhales and inhales heavily, playing with his fingers as his eyes drift from the taller back to the wooden table. Chanyeol can't explain what's exactly happening right now, but Baekhyun seems nervous. More nervous than he's ever been and it's strange. What's happening?

"I .. I like you more than I should, more than a friend and I wish I wouldn't feel that way but things happen, you know. I can't live like this.. I'm so damn happy when I'm with you, but the problem is I'm also suffering in pain at the same time. Maybe this is better. For both of us."

Chanyeol's world stops spinning. Baekhyun's words echoing through his head in an endless loop, over and over again, hitting the smaller's words into his mind forcefully as his body feels numb. Almost as if  he's nothing more than a corpse at the very moment, almost as if every little life has just left him entirely, leaving nothing behind but his soul.

He likes me.. He really likes me. Chanyeol doesn't know why, but he's suddenly surrounded with a strange rush of heat. His heart thumping against his chest in a fast pace and his whole body shaking like crazy. I shouldn't feel that way, right?