Loving you | Chanbaek

- Seventeen

Attached song:
One call away- Charlie Puth

When Chanyeol was in the 9th class Sehun had told him about his sexuality, crushing the taller's life with shock and filling his head with a thousand of questions. He had never felt any kind of disgust for his friend, but he just couldn't understand why, was it just a phase or was Sehun really attracted to boys?

Homosexuality. This certain term has always confused Chanyeol. How could a person be attracted to the same gender? When Sehun came out, he tried to understand it, he tried to understand why his friend was convinced of his sexuality but there was still an immense hole of lack of knowledge which couldn't be filled through the years and this hole started to grew wider and wider since he had met Baekhyun for the first time.

Why isn't he thinking about all of this when he's with the smaller? Why does everything feel so irrelevant when Baekhyun's voice floats in his mind? And the most important thing, why can't he stop imagining his smile? His wide, dazzling smile which could lit up a whole room.

He spends another day staring on the display of his phone, a thousand thoughts running through his head and giving him no rest. Another sleepless night, another night of thoughts chasing him.

Thoughts. What are thoughts anyway? — They be defined in two different categories. On the one hand they can conjure a wide smile on your face with dazzling memories, but on the other hand they can also pull you into a darkness you've never seen before. They can rip the soul out of your body and chain you to an endless repetition of pain and anxiety. Overthinking can consume all the happiness out of your body and crush you into a million pieces. It can make you fall apart more with every breath you take and no one is ever going to notice it.

— This certain feeling is way too familiar to Chanyeol. Tiffany's words caused an endless rush of thoughts, turning his nights into a nightmare.

His finger swing over the display, unlocking the phone with a fast beating heart. 5 missed calls of Baekhyun. A sigh escapes his lips as he closes his phone again, falling on his bed with pain rushing through his body. I need to distant myself.

Just for a while.. until I've collected my thoughts. He closes his eyes, trying to shut off the thoughts for just a single without success. His head is screaming to call Baekhyun, to talk to the smaller and exhale all the heavy oxygen in his body but somehow his body insists. Why? Chanyeol opens his eyes again, staring through the darkness up to the naked ceiling, the music of his earphones running into his mind and echoing in his eardrums. Call him. Call him.

The hold on his phone tightens as he opens slowly, his fingers finding their way to Baekhyun's YouTube and opening one of his videos. Maybe I need to hear his voice. He doesn't know why but his mind wants to hear his voice, the smaller's soft, angelic voice. Maybe it'll make him fall asleep finally.

Chanyeol falls asleep this night with a smile on his face and Baekhyun's video still running, his voice filling his eardrums.

***

A shrill sound echos in his ears, pulling him from his dream into reality in an instance as light shines through the curtain, lighting up his features and burning its way through his heavy eyelids.

He opens them slowly, the light immediately hitting his eyes and causing him to close them again. I don't want to stand up. A hand touches his shoulder suddenly, shaking his body annoyed. "Wake up, you ass. We have 15 minutes." A growl escapes his lips as he turns around, attempting to open his eyes once more. "Don't you want to shower? You look like shit."