Back In Time

Chapter 26: In Which I Woman Up

When I woke up the next night, I could hear Eric and Godric talking quietly in the front room. I stretched my arms above my head in a yawn, preparing to get out of bed. When my weight shifted onto my slightly sore lady parts as I sat up, the night before came rushing back and I froze in place. I briefly considered diving back under the blankets. Or faking temporary deafness/blindness. Anything to avoid facing those two. I mean, talk about awkward! I was rapidly approaching panic mode between second guessing what had seemed so right the night before with Godric and preparing to drown in a tsunami sized wave of guilt over betraying Eric when the men in question appeared in the doorway.

I cringed away from their concerned faces, trying to cover my emotions with a nonchalant smile and a half-hearted wave. "What's up?" I screeched in a manic kind of tone. I'd been going for cool and unaffected but clearly my brain was all over the place. I cleared my throat and tried again, focusing on bringing it down an octave. "Good evening." Definitely overshot that, landing distinctly in Barry White territory. Deciding that was enough out of me for the moment, I clammed up and fervently prayed for an underground lightning bolt to strike me dead. For good this time.

"Is everything all right?" Eric asked uncertainly, taking a step into the room.

"Of course! Sure, yes, totally," I answered nervously, glancing tightly between the two of them. They were wearing identical expressions of confusion and concern. Eric turned to look at Godric.

"A moment?" he asked in a low voice.

"Of course," Godric bowed his head slightly, glancing at me briefly. "I'll wait for you outside." I felt like the biggest a-hole on earth as he turned and left. Eric walked over and slowly sat at the foot of the bed, smoothing the blanket next to his leg. He kept his eyes on his fingers as they ran over the fabric.

"You are feeling guilty? About Godric?" he asked softly.

"Yes." He hummed in affirmation, then let the silence stretch for a bit. I looked down at my lap, becoming quite interested in the handful of covers around my waist.

"Why?" he asked. "Do you regret being with him?" I looked up at that to see him staring back at me intently.

"No, it's not that," I answered quickly. "I just, I feel like I betrayed you," I sighed heavily, dropping my eyes again. I felt the bed shift under his weight as he leaned toward me. His fingers under my chin were gentle and I reluctantly looked up. Bright blue eyes gazed softly into mine, and a slight smile played on his lips.

"I am not in the habit of saying things I do not mean," he began. I opened my mouth to object but he continued speaking. "When I told you that being with Godric would not be an infidelity to me, I was speaking the truth. Being with him is not taking away from me. If you wish to be with both of us, nothing would make me happier." I searched his face, seeing sincerity and finding only the same through our bond. One of his big hands covered both of mine, his thumb stroking my skin. "However, I do not want you to be with him to make me happy. Or to be with me because you feel obligated. Whatever you choose will be respected by both of us. Even if you do not choose either," he finished.

"That's not what I want," I answered immediately, causing him to smile. "I am drawn to you and to Godric," I floundered a bit, trying to decide what to say. After a moment, I realized I was being ridiculous. I was a grown woman who needed to own up to the decisions I had made and stand up for what I wanted. Even if it was a little unconventional. "I desire you both, very much."

His eyes flared, causing a little flutter in my stomach. "Then we are through with this guilt?"

I nodded. "Completely," my voice was firm even if my insides were wishy washy with both relief and disbelief. Imagine getting a Moon Bounce for your birthday as a kid. Looks awesome. Seems like the real deal. But you're scared to get close enough to touch it in case it disappears. That's about how I felt at that moment. And then he leaned in and kissed me carefully on the lips, confirming the fact that this was all really happening.