In My Defense

Amazing

Chapter 16

The sweet lullaby was on loop, constantly replaying in my mind, even though I was asleep. I was Ryan's sunshine. I smiled in my sleep.

I had no idea where we were, but here's the setting: Ryan and I were on a hilltop under a tree, counting the leaves as they fell around us. This is what I loved. I loved being alone. But I loved being alone with Ryan even more. He made me feel safe, ya know? It's hard to explain these things in words. I think I'll just stick with amazing. It seems appropriate.

Anyway. In my dream, I lay on Ryan's lap as he sat cross-legged on the grass. He was singing that sunshine song lightly while he played with my hair.

I gazed up at him and caught him staring at my lips. I smirked, biting my lip. He continued to sing, but stared straight ahead smiling to himself.

"Don't worry about your dad, sweetheart. You can live with me and I'll protect you and I'll love you and it'll all be okay because I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." His voice was soft and his hands carefully moved through the strands of my hair. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. So badly did I want this to be a reality. But I knew it was just a dream.

"Don't leave me," I whispered as his image faded along with his voice, pulling me into conciousness.

"Raelynn. Raelynn, wake up." Hands were shaking my shoulders, waking me.

I blinked away my drowsiness. "Yes?" My voice was hoarse.

"You're hot."

I smirked. "Thanks, but-"

Ryan clasped a hand over my mouth. "No, I mean you're burning up. But you are also correct in the way you were assuming."

My face heated. I suddenly noticed that I was indeed burning up. Although, it might've been from my constant blushing.

"Damn." Ryan studied me closer. "You were crying. Another nightmare?"

"No, no," I said quickly. I smiled smally to myself, remembering the words Ryan spoke in my dream.

"Okay? Um, I'll take your temperature and you just stay here." I nodded and he made his way out of the room.

I rolled around in bed and wondered what time it was. My hand mindlessly searched the nightstand for my cell phone. My index finger touched the top right button and it sprang to life.

5:02 PM.

"Fuck me," I mumbled just as Ryan strolled through the door, thermometer in hand.

"Well, if you insist." He smirked at me.

I glared back at him but couldn't keep it up. "Asshat."

He walked over to the bed, taking long strides. "Sit up." I rolled my eyes at his tone. "Don't look at me like that," he scolded. "Open and put this under your tongue."

I complied with another eye roll. I held the thermometer under my tongue and waited. After a minute, the little stick began beeping and my eyes crossed to try to get a good glimpse.

Ryan bopped my nose with the tip of his finger. "Cute." I smiled shyly at him as he removed the thermometer from beneath my tongue. He cringed slightly and said, "You've got a temperature of a hundred and one."

I glared at him. "This is your fault," I said half-joking.

"I know, I'm sorry."

I suddenly felt really guilty for making him feel guilty even though I was joking. Wowie, I'm a freaking idiot.

"Um, I need to get home," I mumbled. Part of me was hoping he hadn't heard me.

"You can go home tomorrow." I tried to hide how relieved I was. "I want to take care of you." His hand reached to move a piece of matted hair from my face. "Okay?"

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

Ryan's thumb smoothed the crese in my forehead. "Don't pout."

I relaxed my face and began chewing on my lip to keep from frowning at him.

"Don't bite your lip either."

I smirked at him. His face face inched cloder to mine. My breath hitched in my throat. "You think this is funny?" There was an undertone of amusement playing beneath his accent.

I bit my lip for a brief moment, then released it. "Absolutely."

Then Ryan's lips were on mine, his hands framed my face. My hand grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me. Ryan's lips parted and I took the oppurtunity to take his bottom lip between my teeth. A small gasp escaped from his mouth when I did this. There was a part of me that was wondering when I became so ballsy but I pushed that thought far away and focused on the way that Ryan's lips moved against mine and the way that his touch electrified the skin above my collarbone. . . .

I pulled away, breathless. My brows furrowed together. "You're going to get sick now." Way to ruin the moment, Raelynn.

He smirked and replied, "Oh, shut up, you big nerd."

Before I could respond, my stomach growled with hunger. I looked down, slightly embarrassed.

"I second that." Ryan gently slid me off of his lap. "Soup?"

"Vegetable, please."

He noddeed and hopped of the bed sighing heavily. My stomach was torturing me and I now realized how sore and fatigued I was. I felt weak and slightly dizzy. Whether it was from my illness, shortness of breath, or both, I don't know.

My body fell back against the plush matress. I really needed to get home. What was I going to do? Frank was going to kill me. I had to think of a good lie, but even the world's best liar wouldn't be able to escape his anguish. He would hurt me no matter what. A tear fell from my eye and I quickly swiped it away. It would be okay. But I had to leave this place. Soon.

Ryan came back in the room with a steaming bowl. "It's microwaved, I hope you don't mind."

I smiled smally. "That's fine." I began to spoon the soup into my mouth. My eyes stared straight down at the bowl, avoiding Ryan's eyes. I was afraid they would see right through me.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower," he said.

"Okay."

He sighed deeply and walked to the bathroom. As soon as I heard the water begin to run, I scrambled for a pen and piece of paper. Quickly, I sprawled a short note:

Ryan-

Thanks for today. I needed it. I'll see you on Monday, at school. You better be there. Oh, and you'll have your clothes back soon. Probably.

Yours,

Raelynn Alice

I gathered my things and headed downstairs. Ryan's mother was asleep on the couch, papers laying around her. I smiled softly at her and quietly headed out the door.

The ground was still wet from the rain earlier. It looked gloomy, as though it might rain again. The walk home wasn't a long one. Fifteen minutes at most. With each step I took, my body kept screaming at me to run the other way, to run back to the safety of Ryan's arms. But I couldn't. I couldn't continue to tangle other people's lives with my own. It was selfish.

I walked up the porch. The living room and kitchen light were on. I bit back the welling tears and opened the door.

"There you are, baby girl."

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hahahgahfajgdj

sorry this took so long but wAS IT WORTH IT?!!!??? love YOu alL!!!!!!!

-jessi.