Life is generous. We receive a lot of things during our short time on this earth. Love, pain, friends, enemies. In the end we all have to deal with ourselves.
HYYH, Wings, Love Yourself Story
The realms of day and night. Two different worlds coming from two opposite poles mingled during this time.
I was a boy filled with so many feelings that it was overwhelming, that it took over my whole body. It was so overwhelming that I had no idea how to deal with it. Nobody was there to tell me. Nobody was there to teach me. Nobody was there to receive what I was able to give. The fifteen-year-old me who didn't have anything. The world was so big and I was so small. This empty me who had no scent of his own.
My name is Jeon Jungkook and I am 20 years old. I grew up as the child of business people. They loved me... I at least thought they did. Our house was nice and big but so empty... so empty most of the time. My parents had to travel around because of their jobs a lot. At first, I had some babysitters but as soon as I grew old enough to take care of myself they left me all alone. In this cold and empty house. I was only seven years old back then. It was so big yet I still got the feeling it was crushing... and I guess it kind of drove me insane.
I had no friends at that time. People at school used to say that I was weird. I didn't quite understand though. Was I weird because I wasn't interested in shooter games, playing soccer or looking through dirty magazines with naked women on each page? I didn't mind at all though. They never saw the chaos inside of me yet they decided to judge me. If they would see the real me, they would probably call me much more than weird.
I was okay with staying by myself, that's what I was used to, that's what I could deal with. It was only me. But even my alone self was too much to bare sometimes. Sometimes I felt so full that I was afraid to burst and sometimes I felt so empty that I barely was able to believe I was alive. My spirit started to feel uncomfortable with the situation. It began to tell me that something was wrong, that I should change things. But how should I know how to change things when I've never experienced anything else before?
I started to get nightmares. If I only would have been able to understand. It was always the same thing. It was me standing in front of 7 doors, not knowing which one to take to escape. I didn't even understand if the purpose was to escape. Then the sunlight flooded the room and I got a glimpse of my own shadow. The shadow showed myself and I had those beautiful wings I wish I could have in real life. And then I've seen this winged creature... like a bird but bigger and more beautiful. It flew higher and higher until I was unable to see it anymore. Somehow this dream brought so much pain into my heart and again I just didn't understand. Those were the moments where I felt so overwhelmed. Because it's darkest at dawn right before the sun rises. And hours later I felt this emptiness again.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I started to draw pictures. I thought I would get better if I tried to express my feelings on paper. I used to draw immediately after I woke up from my nightmares. Sometimes I drew birds, sometimes it was the portrait of people I've actually never seen before. But no matter how much pictures I drew. The nightmares didn't disappear. And once again I realized... I was a prisoner in my own mind craving for freedom, something that seems so near while I'm asleep but is yet so far away while I'm awake. Or was it the other way around? I wasn't that sure anymore.
