in the hills • zayn malik

nineteen- re-establish

nineteen- re-establish

song for this chapter: “stay” by Lewis Watson

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Everything was different. The mattress was too soft, the blankets feeling almost suffocating even though it had begun to be a lot cooler during the night, July having moved onto August. Zayn barely noticed, his thoughts only occupied by one thing.

Iris.

She was in every dream and nightmare he had, he could see her with her blonde hair when his eyelids closed, even for the briefest moments. Zayn could not stop thinking about all that they had done together, and how that was all gone.

Zayn sat up from his bed, impatiently pushing the sheets off his semi-clothed body. He put his head in his hands, his whole body trembling slightly. He thought that losing Perrie had been bad, but this was a whole lot worse.

Every part of him craved her: his eyes wanted to take in every single detail, and he so desperately wanted to hold her, pressing his lips to her dark blonde hair. He wanted to hear her laugh and snort, which always managed to make his insides turn warm.

Clenching his eyes shut, he started rocking back and forth in his bed, biting his lip to keep from moaning out in what he was sure was physical pain: the ache he had felt after losing Perrie had only been contained in his chest. But the pain of not seeing Iris hurt every single part of him, so there was no place to escape.

Zayn knew that there were people waiting outside, people that would follow him wherever he went. His chances of getting to Iris were extremely dismal, and he couldn’t even imagine how it would feel like when he left for tour.

He had to get up, he had to get out of this room, out of this god damn apartment-

He screamed into his pillow, pointless words that mainly consisted of why, Iris and my heart. He wanted to cry but knew that if he started crying again he wouldn’t stop, and he would never be able to leave his room.

Zayn tumbled off the bed, his legs weak. He walked out of his room, bumping into things as he did so, barely noticing the pain. He realised that he was shirtless and went back into his room, grabbing a random top from his chest of drawers.

But as he came back into the main area, he saw Liam standing there, rubbing his eyes, his body slumped. His eyes widened slightly when he saw Zayn standing there.

“Zayn?” Liam asked hoarsely. “What are you doing?”

Zayn looked at him, his lips beginning to tremble, tears blurring his eyesight. “I miss her so badly.” He whispered before starting to cry, blindly finding his way to the couch, sitting down and putting his head in his hands.

He could feel Liam sitting down next to him, putting his arm around him. Zayn held onto him tightly, not knowing what to do, how to continue doing what he had done before, when he was stuck here.

“I promise we’ll get you back to her.” Liam said, his grip on Zayn tightening. “I promise Zayn, I promise.”

It took Zayn a while to calm down, and once he did he couldn’t move from the couch, and he couldn’t believe how incredibly /old/ and /tired/ he felt. He was grateful to have Liam by his side.

“Why didn’t you just stay?” Liam asked quietly, the first thing that had been said since Zayn had started crying.

Zayn wiped away the last remnants of his tears, pulling in a shaky breath. “I needed to come back Li.” Zayn whispered, looking at him desperately. “Iris... She’s not my whole life. My family, the boys, you... You’re my family. I couldn’t stay there and be truly happy knowing that you would be worrying.”