Blue Neighbourhood (Camren)

FOOLS

(Trigger warning: Homophobia, violence, and abuse)

Lauren couldn't forget the day at the beach, there was this fear in Camila's eyes and Lauren didn't know how to help her because when she would ask Camila about it, the small girl would say it was nothing and brush it off like nothing happened. Lauren wasn't used to this behavior and it showed her that this was something serious. When they got older she could recognize the same fear in Camila's eyes more than just once and every time it happened, the brown eyed girl's father was involved, and of course Lauren realized what was going on, but Camila wouldn't let her help her, the younger girl was just too stubborn and kept denying everything even though it was pointless because Lauren wasn't stupid, yet she couldn't help Camila without betraying her and that was something she would never do.

Some years passed by, but their friendship was still strong and even though they had their fights over the silliest things, they always found their way back to each other. Both of them couldn't stand to be far apart and Lauren was the first one that figured out why. It wasn't that she was completely oblivious to love, she just never cared enough to question it. She watched how all the girls around her started to fancy boys here and there, yet she didn't mind that she hadn't felt anything like that towards a boy, she wasn't even sure, what she exactly she had to feel, so she asked her mom one day. She just came home from school when she saw her parents kissing each other and scrunched up her nose, disgusted by her parent's behavior. "That's gross," She commented and her parents let go each other with a laugh.

"There's nothing gross about people that love each other." Her mother returned. Clara gave her husband a last kiss before he went to his daughter and kissed her cheek, saying goodbye right after because he had to hurry up, considering that he didn't want to be too late at work.

Lauren took off her shoes and put them away before she walked into the kitchen, where a plate with food was already waiting for her. She sat down on the table and waited until her mom was there to eat together with her. "How was school, honey?" She asked curiously but Lauren just shrugged. "Are you already too old to tell me about these things?" She smiled at Lauren.

"It was okay." she replied eventually. "Uh mom?" She shyly asked for her mother's attention. "What does love feel like?"

Her mother leaned back in her seat and thought about her answer for a moment, "Well, there are different kinds of love. You must know there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. You can love a friend, but you'll feel a disparity." There was a moment of silence and Lauren waited for her mom to continue. "I'm sorry, but love isn't easy to explain in words. Being in love for the first time means you'll feel many things you've never felt before. It can start with butterflies in your stomach, or an effortless smile you can't control the moment you see them. You want to be near them all the time, hold their hand, kiss them. You wanna know what they think, wanna hear what they have to say, sometimes just to hear their words. You wanna be there for them and help them, no matter what's going on. They will just be the focus of your attention, you won't even think about the consequences, because the way they make you feel will be worth everything."

Now it was Lauren's turn to think about these words, she thought about every single word in her head until an uncontrollable tear rolled down her cheek. "Mommy," The little girl sniffed.

"I-I'm in love with Camila." She didn't dare to look up, too scared to see a look of disappointment on her mother's face. She knew what it meant when a girl liked another girl, or a boy liked another boy, it meant being a sinner, it meant being sick, that was what their teacher told them once. She never asked herself what those feelings for Camila were because deep down she knew it was wrong.

In the corner of her eyes, Lauren could see how her mother kneeled in front how her before she took her face and made Lauren look at her. "Why are you crying, Lauren?" She knew what Lauren would say so she kept talking. "Love is something beautiful, and when you're lucky enough to find it at such a young age you shouldn't cry."