Blue Neighbourhood (Camren)

TALK ME DOWN

(Trigger warning: an allusion to suicide)

Lauren watched as the rain fell against the window, silently counting in her head how long they had been sitting here without saying a single word. She just stared, stared in the endless darkness on the other side of the window, thinking how easy it could be to stand up and go, and that while she felt Camila's gaze on her the whole time. She didn't like the feeling the silence gave her but she swore to herself she wouldn't be the first to talk, not after it took her so long until she could sleep again after the other girl left her behind and not after all the years of silence between them.

Camila couldn't even greet her with a simple hello for months and now they were sitting across from each other waiting for something, although Lauren didn't know what this something was. She just asked herself why they were sitting here, she could've gotten an easy and heartless cut after all these years. Lauren's time in Sherwood was over and tomorrow she would step on a train and start a new life without involving Camila in it because the other girl decided it would be better to choose a broken family over a healthy relationship.

"You must be excited," Camila assumed and tried to smile but it wasn't genuine what Lauren would've noticed if she looked at her for a split of a second "You're going to New York, living your biggest dream."

She finally looked up at Camila before she spoke "This isn't my biggest dream," She said looking away again before she continued "But how'd you know..." There was a bitterness in her voice that didn't stay unnoticed.

Camila knew that there was nothing that could justify her actions, so instead of telling Lauren how sorry she was she just wanted to tell the truth "I just wanted to say goodbye," She said honestly, "I know you've got every right to hate me but you're going to New York," She repeated, tears welling up in her eyes. She knew she ruined everything that was between them yet Lauren's presence had always given her a security nevertheless because she knew when everything went down Lauren would still be there. But now this moment felt just like funeral, saying goodbye again but now for the last time "I know I don't deserve sitting here across from you because I can only assume what you went through just because of my decisions, but I want you to know that I'll miss you, I'll always miss you the same way I'll always love you, genuine and unique,"

Lauren didn't dare to look up again because she knew what it would make with her. Camila had never lost the ability to make Lauren feel all these different things, whether good or bad, it was all bottled up in Lauren's chest "I am, I'm going to New York because that's the real life, Camila," She told the other girl, taking out her purse. She couldn't stay here anymore, too afraid of the things the other girl might say.

She got up and took a last breath while she heard Camila whisper some words before she laid some money on the table and got up to walk away "I don't like the real life."

***

~Four years later~

"No!" Lauren's friend and roommate, Lucy, laughed loud enough so that every head turned in their direction. "You didn't, did you?"

Lauren rolled her eyes and gave her friend a playful slap "I was a kid, okay," She laughed with her "You can't judge me."

"Whatever you say," The other girl replied and took another sip of her drink.

They just finished their last exams today, so Lucy thought it would be the perfect opportunity to go out and party, something they used to do a lot at the beginning of college. But it didn't take long until both of them came down to reality and realized that college was worse than hell. So instead of getting drunk every weekend they started to cram together until they couldn't think straight and had to go to bed.