Everything | Jenzie

s i x

I couldn't stop thinking about the little moment me and Johnny had in the secret music rooms. He was about to kiss me, but he stopped, and I had no idea why. Different reasons popped up in my head and thoughts that shouldn't be there, so I pulled out a little book and flipped to a clean page, not wanting to see what I had written beforehand and wrote Johnny's name with a bubble around it. I made a spider diagram about all of the reasons he may have pulled away ranging to I'm ugly all the way to he has a girlfriend. Writing down my thoughts helped a lot because I couldn't tell anyone, people would think I'm a freak and I'd be instantly thrown off the pyramid of fame. The things written in this diary, nobody but me can read. It's filled with my deepest, darkest thoughts, and it's honestly pure hell. I put it back into my bedside drawer and played around with my phone.  My legs were up in the air and I was messing around, trying to find Johnny on instagram, but instead, I came across that stupid account Brynn and Lauren showed me that was dedicated to making fun of me.

ihatemackenzieziegler

Liked by lexidrew, brandonrowland, itzmarkus + 10 others

ihatemackenzieziegler: she's such a toad and a snake, why do loads of people want to be her? why do people fawn over her at school, literally kissing her feet?

2 comments

 lexidrew: she's sucha fake bitch she deserves to rot in hell.

brandonrowland: i'm glad i broke up with this slut, she's already onto the next guy.

It made my blood boil the fact that someone is out there saying all of this crap about me and the fact that Brandon had the nerve to say he broke up with me instead for the other way around. I was upset and annoyed to the point where I wanted to break something, or scream or cry for hours but refused to as my mom was coming home and I wanted to be in a good mood, for her.

 Ear shattering pounds were heard at my door as I realised my drunk step-dad was home, and Maddie wasn't here with me. This was her punishment for me getting suspended, having to stay at home while she went to go get our mom from the airport. But she weren't planning on him being home.

"OPEN THIS DOOR!" he screamed, making me jump as I scrambled to unlock the it. Instantly, I felt my hair being tugged, before I was pushed down the stairs. My back and neck were killing after the fall as he kicked me, forcing me to stand up and walk to the kitchen. "Your mom is coming back home and you're just in your room? Make dinner for me and her and if it's not good," he held my waist, bringing his head close to mine, I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck as I shivered. "You know what's going to happen beautiful." He grabbed the bottle of vodka from the kitchen island and walked out of the room. "I'm going out bitch. Tell your mother I'll be back soon."

I stand there silently, waiting for the door to slam shut before the waterworks began. I tried, I tried my hardest to keep it all in, to be strong for my mom but I just couldn't. It was too hard keeping everything bottled up inside so I poured out the bottle, it was already overfilling so it wasn't that hard. My life was just such a massive fucking mess and I couldn't deal with it anymore.