Mincheol- OKAY

Okay

I know you are gone already. But I cant stop hoping. I will always keep waiting for you. Waiting and hoping that you will come back.
I knew you only cared about how people look at you. At us. You only did what they wanted to see. You never cared if you hurt someone. Everything that mattered to you was your image. Once I realized that I should have let you go. But I didn't. I kept thinking. Thinking that maybe you will change. Maybe one day you would love me too. Maybe you would start to care. Maybe you would stop playing this stupid game.
But you left me alone in the dark again. Without looking back you turned your back at me and walked through the quiet streets until I couldn't see you anymore and you disappeared in the dark.
I kept telling myself that I'll be okay. That I  can move on. That even when I cry today, tomorrow is another day. More bright. Every night turns into day and with that the sun rises again. I can face it. But now I'm alone. Before you were standing behind me. Hugging me and resting your head on my shoulder. Looking at the sunrise. I always glanced at our reflection in the glass and I felt warm. But now that you're gone I'm on my own. I dont feel that warmth anymore. Or the comfort in watching the sun rise. But I need to convince myself that I'm fine. I need to be fine. My vision starts to blurry when I feel the tears coming up. I know I can't reach you anymore. You are too far away. You helped me coming so far but you took away my engine. My impulse to take a step further. To go on. I can't see anymore. I'm lost in the memories of you. Everytime I go to the river I see us sitting at the bench. My head lying on your shoulder and your arm around me. Breathing in the fresh air and enjoying each others company. Laughing about stupid things Chanwook said.
Everytime I go to the park i see us lying on the grass, our hands interwined. No matter where I go, you show up in my head. At my work. At the old places we used to hang out. All together. At the streets in the dark. Everything reminds me of you.
And everytime I walk around the corner and see our former spot for all the performances I come back to reality. That you already moved on. That I'm not even existing on your pictures anymore. That you just banned me from your life. Burned all the pictures. The letters. You deleted our chats. Our videos. Everything.
You think I don't know. But they told me. I'm still friends with them. Even when you made me leave. They told me. Why are you like this. What did I do to you that you must forget me. That everything which could remind you of me must disappear. You didn't even explain why you left me. You just did.
Everyone is telling me to just give up. But I can't. I can't just let you go. You meant so much to me that I don't know what to do without you. I forgot how to live. Please don't turn your back at me again and hear me out. I want to know what destroyed us. I have so many questions to ask. Please don't ignore me again. Don't worry. I won't cry infront of you. I'm okay. I'm feeling good right now. I have to. Because I can't live with this sadness inside of me. I need to move on. Just like you. Because after every storm the sun follows. Everything will get better. I faced the storm on my own and I'm wating for the sun. I hope I'm not getting lost in the dark. If I do you already forgot me before I saw the light. But how can I see the light when you are my sun. You always called me your flower. Your echeveria. A flower can't survive without the sun. Please come back to me.
I can't stop thinking about all the names you called me. Cheollie was your favorite I guess. The others cringed everytime you said it but I really loved it. Or when you called me Jagi. I know that couples usually call each other like that. But it felt like I mean more to you then anyone ever could. Sometimes you would even call me kitty because I rolled to a ball when I was really tired but kept rubbing my head on your arm wanting to get hugged. Actually I always wanted hugs. At least from you. Not only because you were so tall and I felt protected when you held me in your arms. But because it was you. You always kept me safe. No matter from what. You kept me safe from nightmares when you layed your arms around my waist and pressed me to your chest. You kept me safe in the streets, having your arm around my shoulder and pulling me close when ever someone was walking next to us just in case that person was a kidnapper. You kept me safe when I was nervous that I will get a step wrong in our performances because you hugged me and told me that everything is going to be fine. That even if I mess up it would be okay because you would do the same so I wouldn't get all the blame. You kept me safe I almost fell in one Troublemaker-performance because you had you arms strongly around me. I never met the ground too hard. I never felt pain because of you. Because you protected me and kept me safe.
But what about now. Im hurting. Im in pain. Im not safe. But where are you. Do you still remember. You haven't left anything for me to hold onto. To prevent me from falling. You took all my strength. Yet I kept dreaming. Dreaming that you would come back and hold me again. That I'd be in your arms again. I dreamed that you would say that you were forced to leave and you suffered as much as I did. But of course my dreams never came true.
I always did my best for you. I never let you down. I tried to be the one you can grow old with. I never played you. Never lied.
But for you it was all a game. You played and I was the loser. You won that stupid game of love and pushed me of the mountain. I'm falling.
But I'm still telling myself that I'll be okay. That the fall is fine. I won't die from falling. I won't get hurt. But the push hurt and I feel your hands all over my body. On every spot where you touched me.
Why did you leave.
Why did you push me away.
I'm actually not okay.
But I tell you so.
Because I still don't want you to worry my Minseok.
My Love.

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Hey guys ~
I don't think many people will read this because Maxxam is barely known. But I really wanted to write this One Shot and I hope you like it. My inspiration for this was Okay by Jackson Wang and it's linked at the top.
Since english isn't my first language I'm sorry for grammatical mistakes and everything. Feel free to point them out.
Have a good day❤️
-Chaika