after we brought seungmin to the hospital i walked home alone while thinking about what felix didn't do. it hurt me, it made me feel as if i am nothing to him.
once i got home i ran upstairs and got into the shower. i took a long shower. i didn't want to do anything but just stay in the shower and cry my heart out. but i knew crying wouldn't solve anything so i quickly got out and laid in bed.
12:00am
2:00am
4:00am
5:00am
6:00am my alarm went off but i was still wide awake. i slowly got up and did my morning routine. i skipped breakfast and made my way to the bus stop. since i was taking a while to get dressed i decided to take the bus.
i sat down all the way in the back and put my earbuds in. i clicked shuffle and the first song to come on was 'You Were Beautiful' by day6 and as i was listening a few tears shed from my eyes. i replayed the song the whole way to school.
i looked out the window. the clouds were dark and the sky was dark as well. the sun was hidden and it really looked like there was going to be a downpour. it always rains whenever i think deeply about you felix.
the bus stopped near school and i had to walk a bit, only like 2 minutes though. as i looked at my phone to hit the replay button i realized tears were forming in my eyes again. i blinked and some came out. i then looked up and saw it was starting to rain. thank you God for covering my tears and pain with the rain. i thought looking up and reaching my hand out. it started to rain harder and i just stayed in that position. it felt... nice.
i felt myself get more and more wet the longer i stayed there. i was practically soaked so i decided to walk into school. i shed more and more tears as i made my way towards school. then someone grabbed my hand putting an umbrella into it.
"t-take this. you'll get sick." it was felix. i took the umbrella and threw it on the floor and continued to walk into school. this time, tears were streaming down my wet face. i didn't want to see anyone with me looking like this so i made my way up to the rooftop. i sat in the rain and looked up at the sky. it really felt as if the sky knew i was in pain.
after about 10 minutes of sitting in the rain and 10 minutes into class i finally made my way downstairs to class. i entered and everyone looked at me including felix. his gaze went from a cold and unbothered one to a soft and caring one. i apologized and bowed and told the teacher i woke up late. thankfully, she brought it and threw me a towel to dry myself up.
i went and sat down next to seungmin. even though he was hurt he came to school. i smiled at him and hugged him tight but not so tight. i didn't want to hurt him.
"are you okay?" i whispered to seungmin
"yea, now i am. i saw you!" he said while ruffling my hair. i genuinely smiled for the first time in a few hours. i then felt a tap on my shoulder turning me around. i felt felixs hand on mine. it was a note.
'hey.. i'm sorry. for yesterday not doing anything. i didn't know what to do. but hey, at least the other guys defended you right?' wow... this broke me. he didn't even think it was a big deal. i crumpled up the paper and walked towards the trash can and threw it out.
i felt felix keep putting notes into my jacket pocket and i knew he wanted to talk to me badly. but he didn't want to upset me more. i kept ignoring him and continued to pay attention.
soon lunch came and as usual i neatly packed my bag. when i turned around i saw everyone waiting for me while felix grabbed my bag.
"i-i'm not getting lunch today. go without me. i need to relax a bit" i said snatching my bag from felix.
i made my way to the dance studio and i changed my clothes. i decided to bring extra clothes with me everyday due to the fact that i'll most likely dance whenever i'm stressed or upset and that i don't want to use felixs clothes anymore.
i out on 'You Were Beautiful' by day6 and i danced. i let my body take over me and i danced perfectly to the music. i felt as if all my problems went away. for the first time in a few hours i felt relaxed and unbothered. i danced and danced until my body couldn't take it anymore. when i was done i theew my body on the floor with sweat everywhere and i was breathing heavily.
"j-jia" i turned around and saw felix standing inside
"what?" i asked, with a hint of coldness in my voice
"i-i'm sorry. i really am. i didn't know what to do. i didn't want them to hurt you but at the same time i couldn't move my body to do anything. i-i was scared." he said while looking own at his hands.
"you hurt me. i thought at least you'd come and push them off or tell them to stop. but you didn't felix. you didn't and that's what hurts me the most. that you stood there and basically let them harass me." i said as i ran my hand through my short chin length hair
"i-i know.. i'm sorry." he said as he took a step closer to me. i backed away and grabbed my stuff and ran out with tears strolling down my face. only you felix lee... only you.
