Torment From Behind the Mask - A continuation of The Phantom of the Opera

Torment From Behind the Mask

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"Are you alright?" Raoul breathes as we step off the gondola.

"I'm fine. Just...just shaken." I resist the urge to burst into tears. It's only been ten minutes since I left him and I already know that my choice has been the wrong one. That kiss...so hungry and full of passion. I couldn't resist...after the first I knew I needed a second...a third...a fourth...

But no. He broke away from the second kiss with so many emotions playing through his eyes; love, passion, fear, pain, joy...I blink away the tears. I don't know why I'm so tormented - I get my childhood sweetheart...isn't that enough?

My brain says yes but the music in my heart is telling a whole new story.

I'm startled when I feel Raoul's protective arm around my shoulders leading me towards a staircase in font of us.

CRASH

I hear the sound of glass and a heart shattering into a million prices. Again I fight the tears threatening to spill onto my cheeks.

One step at a time, Christine. I remind myself not to trip over the stairs. With every new step that I take away from Erik, the more my heart fractures. I cannot bear this any longer.

It seems as if I blink, and we are walking down the dark, and musty passage that opens up into my dressing room.

"Christine?" Raoul looks from me to the door. "Why don't we go for supper...?"

"Supper," is all I seem able to get out of my mouth.

"I'll leave you to change then."

I look into the mirror. I momentarily feel repulsed at the sight of Raoul staring at me in my wedding gown...the one that Erik made himself. It's all so wrong. This shouldn't be happening. He turns and strides towards the door.

As the door clicks closed, I step forward to the vanity. For the first time since before the performance of Don Juan Triumphant, I see my appearance reflecting the last few hours - tangled hair and puffy eyes and tears streaming down my face and pale skin.

I sit in the chair, not looking away from the ghost in my mirror. The realization of what just happened hits full force, and my heart shatters. The pain of the fact that I have to get married to someone that I thought I loved is too much.

I stand to take the dress off. I don't care about Raoul or supper...no, forget about it. I think to myself. Stepping out of the gown I hang it nearly on the rack with my costumes from Il Muto. Opening the dresser drawer I pull out my white night gown and put it on, facing the mirror that leads to Erik.

As the tears start to flow once again, I see his face, mirroring mine with tears. I reach out to touch the glass, but he disappears.

"I love you..." I whisper.

Turning, I throw myself onto the soft bed and sob into the beautiful pillows.

There is no desire to live, no desire for singing. There is nothing without him.