Snaked🐍

Chapter Eight

I got home late from Carter's last night. We spent the entire day at his house - watching movies, eating food and just bonding. That was real connection, I had learned. I mean, yeah, the sex was good, but the little things meant so much more. I knew I was falling for Carter in a much more intense way. I was falling in a way that involved much more than common, physical connection. He instilled emotions in me that I thought would be dormant forever, and Goddamn, it felt like absolute bliss.

Although, that was last night. As soon as I got back home, I realized what had just happened. What had I been doing? I was having an affair with my best friend's husband. Every time I thought about it I felt ill. I needed to numb my brain enough so I could sleep. I poured myself the strongest wine I had - white and red - and I had countless shots of vodka and tonic. I was emotional. I was way past tipsy- and all I wanted was to sleep and forget about what a fuck-up I was. I was a home wrecker, a husband stealer. Downright dirty slut. I should have just tattooed it on my forehead so everyone could see what a disgrace I was.

I didn't get any sleep that night. I had a broken sleep because of all the nightmares that had become reality. How could I love and hate something so much at the same time? To be quite frank, I didn't hate Carter. I hated myself. I should've been the very last person to betray Kam. I was supposed to be the one there for her if Carter ever fucked her over, but here I was, doing all the damage. Adding fire to the flame.

I picked up my phone every ten minutes, checking to see if there were any texts from Carter or any from Kam. I didn't have the courage to ring Kam. I was ashamed. All she ever deserved was a loyal and good friend and I didn't give her that. I was too embarrassed to call Carter because what would I have said to him? I knew there was a lot to be said but I couldn't seem to articulate the words. Our worlds had been crossed, and we were left in a huge triangle that Kamryn was simply unaware of. She didn't deserve any of the shit that was going on behind her back. I wanted to come clean but imagine not being able to trust your best friend and husband alone together? Carter and I had fucked up real bad... and I'm pretty sure we both knew we had to try and fix it, but it was so hard. We couldn't get enough of each other. As much as it made me feel alive, it killed me so much inside.

The next morning, I woke up feeling worse than shit. I felt like I had destroyed everything I had spent so long building up. My friendship with Kam was ruined, whether she knew it yet or not. I spent an extra half an hour in the shower, scrubbing and exfoliating till my skin was pink and blotchy, to try erase all traces of Carter. I felt as if I could still smell him on me... as if he got under my pores and I was sweating him out, bit by bit.

I had work in the next hour and oh God, I would've rather hid other the duvets and pretended I didn't exist all day than go to work. I didn't have time to be a functioning member of society when my fucking life was falling apart!
I felt so exposed, as if other people would be able to sense what I had done. Sort of like a snake can sense fear and a dog can smell a good piece of meat on you. I mean, my brain couldn't even function properly with all the thoughts whirring about.

Carter had touched me where not even my eyes could see. There was no going back from it and I knew it would be something that would haunt me forever. Something that I would have to take to the grave.

TO BE CONTINUED.