Imperfectly Wonderful

III

"If it doesn't open...it's not your door."

~ Unknown

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       Figuring yourself is a journey, not a short one or a long one; a lifetime journey. I feel that whenever you figure out a piece of the puzzle, you might still feel like something is missing, so you keep adding all the pieces that you figured out in one. But then growing comes in, how you think matures by the new experiences you go through. So habits may change, new people, come into your life, and you learn.

       What about the puzzles, you may wonder?

       Some pieces of it may be replaced with new ones, and so on. Life is constantly evolving, so are we. I guess what I am trying to say is, this puzzle may never be fully complete; you may never completely figure yourself out, as a whole. Saying all this doesn't mean it is a problem. Kind of fascinating if you ask me. One endless adventure.

       Now back to my journey of discovering what I am really good; the almost perfect method of me expressing my inner thoughts.

       What else besides poetry is there? I think to myself.

       Brainstorming is also a good idea, makes you really think. I know that I thought about this a couple of days ago, but I feel like writing them down. So I grab a paper, pen and start writing.

       I did not exactly give poetry a real chance, but it didn't feel quite me. I don't necessarily mean the layout but the words did not come from a true place. Deep down, I don't think I want to express with words.

       Should I scratch it? Should I give it another try?

       Eh, just scratch it, I tell myself.

       I feel like drawing and painting are kinds of siblings. Painting begins after you have drawn something. Drawing can be independent, no need for painting. Painting can also be independent; no need for a sketch beforehand. Hmm.

       Okay, one step at a time. Just start with the drawing and see where it takes you, I hear a voice say.

      Onto drawing. How do you even start? Look up videos and try to draw their drawings? Or have things in front you then begin sketching them?

       I decide to have something in front of me; anything other than fruits because that is just old and boring. Maybe too overrated. Sure there is a reason for starting with fruits but change is good.

       I think I am just a hater but anyways.

       Maybe a lamp can work.

***

       So, two hours have passed. The shading isn't spot on, I don't even think it is even correct. The outline isn't too bad, I got some parts of the lamp accurate. For a first try, I would rate five and a half out of ten. The page is such a mess, smudging is in most of it and too many erased lines; making it look really bad. I am proud though, I got some parts drawn down.

       The process can be described as frustrating; it required a good amount of patience that I don't have. It taught me that I should work on my patience in small details. Drawing or not, there are little things that we need to be patient about and control our frustration. Frustration doesn't take us anywhere, just increases the anger in us for no reason; decreases levels of happiness or peacefulness. Patience, on the other hand, introduces peace in our life, increases the levels of calmness making us more content or accepting.

       Overall, I would say drawing wasn't a success or fail but a lesson. A part of me felt like I can work on it, making the process go more smoothly. The second part of me felt like it doesn't speak about me. Drawing equals undecided.