Imperfectly Wonderful

I

"You can't start a new chapter of your life if you keep rereading the last one."

~ Unknown

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      I don't know what talking is. I don't know what is it suppose to feel like. I've been born physically mute, meaning it is not a choice not to speak. Meaning, I never spoke a word my whole life without depending on some sort of device. And I hate depending on anything/anyone besides myself.

      Even if my parents try to get me all sort of technology that can talk for me instead, but I never like it. Quite strangely, I never feel comfortable when a device is talking for me even if I am the one instructing it to say them.

      Don't get me wrong but not being able to speak is extremely irritating. There are moments when I know the right thing to say but I remember that I am not capable of doing just that.

      Then there's writing. I am not really sure how I feel about that. The only times that I feel the need to write is when I need something urgently, that simple, from anyone. Still, it doesn't help me get my messages across. It is not meaningful enough. 

      Ever thought what really makes up who you really are? From your personality, voice, physical features. When all these add up, it ends up with an individual. For me, the important thing is the one thing you commit to or give it your all without forcing it upon yourself; talent which is known to be 'natural skill'.

      You might do it whenever you are bored, stressed or when you want to things of your mind. Anyways you get the idea, well hopefully.

      I am actually really curious about what my special skill might be, it is interesting because it speaks about you.

      Right now, me laying on this cozy beanbag, imagining what it is like to speak whenever you feel like. I sometimes hear that talking is tiring; emotionally. When you are constantly talking and they constantly ignore you, well it seems tough as well as hurtful.

     There are other times, where I hear complaining about how much they hate talking too much, or just talking in general. That I don't quite understand. Or because they prefer listening over talking, it would make sense. Or they find it troublesome if it comes to explaining deep feels and thoughts.

      The thing I wouldn't normally hear is them being grateful about being capable to hear words they say. And to me, it would be a dream to hear words I say. Why do we always want to have the opposite of what we have?

     The journey of discovering what really makes me begins and I can't wait to find what it is waiting for me on the other side.