Imperfectly Wonderful

II

"No one ever injured their eyesight by looking on the bright side."

~ Unknown

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       Nothing is ever easy, so being mute is not an exception. It comes with a lot of difficulties; feeling like you are on your own because you can't explain what is swimming inside your head. I mean it is not impossible, but it can get frustrating quickly.

       I am continuously battling with anger. I can't really use my voice to express my thoughts or opinions. Whenever I want to say something, I get crushed because I remember that I can't unless it is in a written form.

       Writing. Writing. Writing.

       It is honestly a challenge; if you are a fast writer then you are all set. However, if you are not, it will build up the problems for you. The way I see it; it only suitable for the day to day speech. For example, asking someone to help you with a certain thing at the current moment. Writing equal speed.

       Having to go through every single day consumes you, so you don't get to enjoy what is around you. Which is why I decided to be the driver and take control of the car.

       The other day, I was thinking about the various approaches in order to express the complexity of my head.

       The first that came to mind is poetry.

        Let's give it a try, I thought.

       Right now, I have got a plain white paper in front of me. A couple of colored pens to get my creativity flowing.

       An hour later I managed to write a small part:

The best thing about me is that I'm mute

I can say whatever I like and no one seems to hear me

I don't feel the guilt of my words

Because they go unnoticed

      The process was okay but I don't think it is the one I am looking for. I think it is the thing that feels natural, it has a smooth flow.

       I  can't judge from the very first time, I think to myself.

      I know I can teach myself how to write poetry, so that might be a go to activity when I have got nothing to do. I think that everyone has that, in which it describes them; you cannot find it without taking and trying different pathways.

      It shouldn't feel forced, I guess.

      Now that I think about it, I always have a hard time translating what goes on in my head into words, on paper. Even if I did talk, I don't think I would say the right things. Or maybe the right things but with missing thoughts.

      I know nothing about poetry except what I've studied in school, and it wasn't interesting or appealing. It seemed complex because of all the analyzing/reading between the lines. I never bothered to use it anywhere until now.

      The way it sounds is unique; like the word are put together, so when it is read, it is like a puzzle flowing together in sync. I find this really cool.

      We will keep looking, I tell myself.

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poem from here https://hellopoetry.com/words/mute/