Schizophrenia

My Ghost Pals | POEM

MY GHOST PALS

It started with little whispers

Late at night when there was no light to see

When my eyes were tired

But my mind was still awake in darkness

Shadows were everywhere

Dancing, crying, laughing

And I was scared to close my eyes

I tasted my own terror in front of me

There he was

Screaming me to don't sleep

Or either I will be fading

I cried, oh I cried so loudly

But my cries weren't loud as the demons

They were there

I can see it

I can feel it

They were whispering those words

I was feeling nothing but everything

Nobody will be there for you

You will always be the same

They hate you

Love will never be found in you

I wanted to stop

I wanted them to stop

It was hard, it was so damn hard

I was screaming looking at my own self

Nobody is gonna love me

Like I do

Nobody is gonna be there for me

Like I do

I can still hear those voices

I wanted to run from this

I wanted them to leave me alone

I wanted to be alone

I am tired of this

I can't close my eyelids

And be free

I can't do anything

They were there

Looking at me

I don't know if its real or not

Or am I insane

But I can feel my hearbeat pounding hardly 

In my chests 

I was losing

I was nothing

I was screaming

But nobody came to help me

Not even my mother for god sake

I was there alone

I didn't do anything

My head hurt like hell

Maybe I am really insane

Maybe I am not real

I swallow my own blame

I am not a satisfaction

I am hurting but I can't stop

I need,

I need,

They say they will be there for me

But where are they now that I need them?

I am breathing but I can't feel peacefully

I am breathing hell

My own child, my own love

Voices are crashing my world

Voices are everywhere

I can't even notice your voice

I hear them

All I see is them

And I am in pain but they don't know yet

They think pain is fun

They think I am pointless

But yet they are the only person there for me

Words are stabbing me in the worst place

All I can say is there is no feeling for me to breathe properly

Dreams and nightmares are in front of me

I am seeing creature that I used to dream

And the worst thing is

I can't see what is real or not

I am more scared than anything

I want,

I want,

I see blood in their eyes

I can't find the exit

I am just here

I am just so lost and alone

Kill them they don't love you

You are living in a lies

Kill, kill, kill

Kill yourself you don't matter

I wanted to stop but I couldn't

I wanted to live but I couldn't

They were everywhere

I couldn't 

They were staring me

I couldn't stop

It's me, me

Not my mother

Please not my father

It's me, kill me

They are after me

You couldn't see them

But I am seeing them

Cause' they want to help me

Cause they want to save me

Cause I am killing myself

Please for god sake

I don't want any of theses

Please stop the voices

They are hurting me

They are capturing my soul

They say there are a better place for me

But its not there

I can't do that,

I can't leave

They promised to be there for me

I was shaking, I was crying

But that doesn't matter

Cause nobody is there but them

MONSTERS

FUCKING MONSTERS

THEY ARE KILLING ME

I need,

I need

FUCKING HELP

FATHÉMA ABDUL