Why do I trust you? (Zion Kuwonu)

My heart is still broken

I wake up nearly every morning to a new message from Caleb

It's always of him singing

And I can't take it

I mute him after this one which made me cry for hours

I'm not even 18 but that's not the point

He makes me weak I sit down on my bed wondering why this is hurting so bad when i broke his heart

I don't have college today but I'm behind so i go in just to get away from home and my wet pillow

I go to the library getting down to some dance assignments before picking up as many shifts at work as I possibly could i don't want to sit at home anymore

I've been in college for 5 hours I've done two assignments and have three more to do but I can't stay here any longer more students are coming in and I'm starting to feel cramped

I decide walking home through the park could clear my mind

Blessed by Daniel Caesar comes on and my heart aches

I hum along feeling every single word

~

I get in putting all my stuff down looking over the shit-hole that used to be my room

I feel like I can't be anywhere

I can't be at college
I don't like being home
I work but that's because i put on a persona of happiness all day

So work also makes me miserable

I pick up my pair of beats headphones and go to the music room plugging in my headphones to the piano (I'm sure pianos don't have a headphones jack but whateves) and i start to play and play and play starting with 18 because Caleb's voice has been in my head all day moving on to blessed then if I ain't go you by Alisha Keys I can't keep up with the sad songs so I switch it up to how far ill go by Alessia cara

I looked at my phone and i was tagged in something

Ffs

You're manz is trying to get u back Tasha tweeted under Zion's post i go up and watch it
He is literally singing morning by Marc. E Bassy

And I'm crying again

I call tasha

"Can u delete that tweet i saw it ok"

I hang up before getting a whole load of tweets

Thanks Tasha

'What does she mean manz thats my man'
'Is that not that girl he was with'
'I swear she goes to my college'
'Hey @ PrettyMuchchey <- (real twitter have to promote somehow) stay away from my man'

I just deleted twitter

Then they found my Instagram which is luckily on private

It's literally filled with videos of me and Zion I would like to keep it that way

My friend request go through the roof

All of them being fans

I turn my phone off teaching myself to play Oui by Jeremiah

~~not my baby brother

Then i think nah fuck it why should the fandom decide if i use twitter or not

(Btw just wanted to say BEANZ be the most unproblematic fandom I've ever come across when the boys get girlfriends we ship and say they our parents weird but we ain't tearing anyone down for no reason )

I get my camera out filming myself playing running by Beyoncé I don't sing because bruh i cant and i put that on my twitter no caption just my hands and the piano

Because that song represents how i am feeling to run and I don't know where

After taking my headphones out for the video I don't put them back in attracting my dad as he all think we should be musical geniuses

He walks in surprised anyone's even using this room

"Whats wrong?"

"Nothing" lies

"Why'd you stop?"

"I'm thinking"

"Lets play something together" oh ew

"I'll play then u play and we can see who's the best" i hold my hand out

"Find but we both know I'm the best" he shakes my hand

I start to play halo

He fake yawns

"Fine you go" i get up he sits starting stay with me by sam smith "come on now dad get up thats easy"

I play Jocelyn Flores by Xxxtentacion
I'm going easy on him he is old

"I've got something" we switch and he starts playing wii music
I can not believe I'm related to this guy
Literal wii music

Its time to end this game i bring out if I ain't got you my Alisha keys and the start of the song alone beats my dads wii music

"Lets not lie you can't compete dad"

He sits down thinking before starting Hakuna Matata from lion king

Wow his actually good

And this is actually making me happy

We play this game for roughly an hour and what can i say obviously i won

I go back to my room and remember all that i tried to forget i start to even have flash backs of when I pushed Zion out the door i get back into bed