Lucky Lynzee

Mixing The Past With The Future

Its been about 2 days since the insident in the parking lot. Im still at Zane's, he doesnt want me to leave. Classes are the only place hes okay with me going to, when I leave he always tells me to come back right after class,and not to go anywhere else without telling him or to go with someone. He's so paranoid about something happening to me..its cute. Hes like a little kid, who brings a toy to the park and wont let anyone else touch it..even though its this ratty old thing. And in this case im the ratty old thing, he could have any girl on campus..and he feels something for me. I mean I have heard that im beautiful and all these things from my parents, grandparents and the occasional old person in the grocery store..but that happens to everyone. And I have heard somethings like that from guys at my school, but guys say those things to everyone..to get what they want. And I learned that the hard way a few years ago. He built me up, told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me..and he took what he wanted, I didnt give it to him. He took it. My first time was stolen from me. Now I will never be able to tell anyone how magical my frist time was because it was torture. That was something no one should ever have to go through. I still havent told Zane about that night, maybe if he knows about that night he wont treat me like this is new to me. I went through all this, the not wanting to go out in public because you have finally noticed the way guys look at you. The wondering whats wrong with you..wondering what you did to deserve that. You didnt do anything!

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"Hey, how are you doing?" Zane's classes end later then mine, so im in his dorm waiting for him for about 5 minutes before he gets home

"Hey, im fine. I think we need to talk about something."

"Is something wrong? Did something happen again?"

"No, no, no. I just wanna tell you about something that happned a few years ago."

While I was telling Zane the story I could see he was getting upset. I didnt try to sugar coat the story, I told it like it was. Every horrific detail..except for a few. While I was telling him the story, I got pretty upset too. It was like I was seeing it all over again. When I got about halfway through Zane got really upset and started walking aroung the room breathing heavily, and when I told him the worst part..when I told him that i was raped at that party..he puched the wall and left a fist sized hole, i even heard him whisper "Im gonna kill him". When I got him calmed down I was able to finish the story and when I finished I couldnt hold it in anymore.

"Come here" He waved me over, I couldnt see very well because of all the crying but I was sure his eyes were watery too.

"Im sorry I got you so upset, I didnt think it would be that bad."

"What are you taking about, thats like one of the worst things ever. Im so sorry that that happned to you. Im so sorry that I wasnt there to stop it from happneing."

"It's okay, all that matters is that your here now."

"I'm here now, and im not going anywhere any time soon."

I fell asleep right there on his lap, the only place where I feel safe anymore...