I Hate My Body

why?

I swear, I hate my body. Not just sometimes, no, but all the time. 

My 2018 started off with me going to the hospital because I hadn't eaten anything, or drank anything for almost 4 going on 5 days. The thing is, I didn't know that was the start of my eating disorder. Almost everyday, I have to make myself eat. It's weird because I like the feeling of being hungry. If it goes on long enough, my body would feel really light, and I would get these dizzy spells. I don't know why I find these actions so satisfying. I mean, I don't want to go back to the hospital because who knows what they'll do to me. They'll probably send me to some kind of institution. I told my boyfriend about what happened, and he has almost the same problem I do.. And since we told each other about these problems, we make sure the other ate that day. But here lately, I've hated how my body looks. I used to love looking at my body in the mirror. But now, I can't stand seeing the mess I am. The mess my parents brought into this world. I hate my body, I hate myself..