I Hate My Body

the mirror

When I woke up from my nap this evening, first thing I did was look in my mirror. I didn't see anything I liked. I saw my once happy face, where I have to force smiles everyday. I saw the body I once adored so very much. But now I can't stand  to look at it anymore. Every time I look at my body, one thing crosses my mind.. "What would have happened if I went just one more day without eating?" I think about that everyday actually. 

Would I actually love myself? Would I actually be happy? How many people from school that bully me, or pick on me, care about what happened? Why would anyone care about what happened to me? I don't know how many people actually care about me. I don't know why people care about me. I don't even care about myself.. It's hard to care about yourself, and think you're pretty in all your own ways, when all of the pretty, popular, careless girls just pick on you, and make jokes of how you look, and how you don't fit in. But they don't understand how much it actually hurts you, and fucks up your confidence. "You look good today." "I like your outfit." Please just save your breaths. You know exactly what you're doing, and it's working. I hate myself...