Reagan's Readings

Chapter Twenty Six

"We should have looked further into him as soon as we finished interviewing Henry," Declan said while striking the wall with his fist.

Yoshi and I had just broken the news about Charlie probably being Xander's daughter to Declan and he was beating himself up.

"Declan, none of us had any reason to. He had no red flags when I looked at his records. There was nothing to indicate that he might have something to do with this," Harper reasoned while furiously typing into her computer.

"Look," she said, gesturing for us to come closer. "I had been looking for things like recent unemployment or eviction because taking Charlie means that he'll have been away from Georgia for a long enough time to lose his job or home. But, apparently his position allows him to work from home and his apartment had been paid almost a year in advance."

Declan shook his head and let out a deep breath.

"Alright. Okay. Now, we know what we need to do to get Charlie back - we need to find Xander."

He looked at Yoshi and I and I could see the gratitude shining out of his gaze. "I don't know what we would have done without you two. Thank you so much."

I was feeling choked up all of a sudden, and found it difficult to respond. Thankfully, Yoshi spoke up.

"You know there's no thanks necessary. If we can help, we will."

Declan sighed, "Well for now your job is done. Now that we know who is likely behind this, we're gonna be doing some good ol' detective work to track him down."

We exchanged some more conversation, and before I knew it, we were leaving the station and making our way to the train. Strangely, I was feeling... empty.

I had assumed that we would be a part of the case all the way through and get to see Charlie reunited with her parents. Now that I was faced with the reality that might not be the case, I wasn't sure how to proceed. Did we just go back to normal and hope they get her? What even was normal anymore?

I had submersed myself into a life I vowed never to embrace for a good cause. Now that cause was over and the line between who I am and who my powers made me was feeling blurry. There weren't just a part of me anymore, they were me - and I wasn't sure how to redraw that line. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to redraw that line.

Yoshi brushed a finger across my cheek to gain my attention.

"I can't tell you what to do from here on, but you know that I have your back regardless."

I looked up at him and had endless amounts of faith in his words.

"I know," I said, pressing my lips against his lightly.

As I leaned away from him, I slowly established a mental wall so as not to alarm him to the fact that I had something I didn't want him to hear. I held it firmly in place and let my thoughts run wild. Yoshi had the utmost trust in me and despite the fact he could hear everything happening in my head, his deepest darkest secrets were aired out to me more than mine were to him.

I was beginning to understand how unfairly I was treating him by hiding from him when all he had ever done was be open with me and my brothers and my friends.

I looked down at my hands. He still had no clue what kind of things I had the potential to see, but the secret behind them had built a sturdy wall between the both of us. Despite the intimacy we shared, sex was still off the table because of the unease I felt at being completely bare with the exception of my gloves.

It was time for the gloves to come off. It was time to take control of something that has controlled my whole life.

Yoshi and I made it back to the apartment in silence. I walked through the door before he did and turned around to see him shutting it quietly before leveling his gaze at me.

"Awfully quiet," he said. I knew he wasn't talking about the apartment.

"I-"

My breath cut off and I closed my eyes. I spent so long coasting the middle with my emotions and now that this anxiety had punched my unaccustomed body full force in the gut, I wasn't sure how to keep my knees from buckling.

Yoshi took a step towards me, and I took one back in response. I wanted his comfort, but it needed to wait.

"I'll never get this out if you touch me right now," I warned him.

He sighed and nodded, patiently waiting on me to continue.

"I -you were right," I began, breathing heavy. "The gloves - they aren't for the token reading."

I risked a peek at his face, but I couldn't read what he was thinking.

"I knew how my parents were going to die when I was six years old. I touched my dads hand and I was there. I could smell the burnt metal and rubber. I could feel the heat and way their bones had twisted and cracked. I -"

I swallowed a sob at the memory that was still as vivid in my mind now as it had been back then as a little girl.

"I could feel the life draining out of them. I could feel the exact moment when death took them. That's why I wear these gloves. This isn't a power I can practice and master. Every practice session would involve me seeing and feeling somebody die - you, the boys, a stranger - and no matter who it is, it will break something inside of me the way it did when I was a kid."

I didn't notice Yoshi coming close to me, but I felt him now. His hands grabbed my arms, firm and soft all at once.

"I can see that telling me wasn't easy," he said with his lips against my forehead. "So thank you for that. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this all of your life, feeling scared to get too close to everyone because you knew what you could see. I can't even imagine having the abilities you have and living my life with them, but I'm willing to help you figure them out because I'm not going anywhere."

I was still scared. My entire being was shaking from the physical down to the emotional. But I wasn't alone. I wasn't going to be alone. I could get through this with him and the boys and Declan and Oakley by my side. I knew in my heart I didn't have to shut them out anymore.

"Koi?" Yoshi murmured, questioning my silence.

I chuckled quietly. "So I went from 'lover' to a fish, huh?"

I felt his body relax as I joked with him.

"Mhm," he affirmed. "Koibito can be a mouthful, and I happen to think you make a beautiful fish."

I rolled my eyes and fell into his chest.

"Can we lay down and nap until the boys get home," I mumbled into his shirt.

"Anything for you fish."

I rolled my eyes and elbowed him as I began walking towards our room. His laugh boomed behind me as he followed.