Maybe Just Happy - Kurt Cobain Fanfic

thirty six: past poison

The stars melted as Kurt and I received nothing but positive feedback after jamming together in front of the crowded room full of people. I was no longer worried about the house being trashed, but rather worried about it exploding from so much energy being produced that night.
I sat on Kurt's lap, across from Krist and Dave as I felt eyes from all around the room burning onto me, their focus on Kurt and I, and their ears wanting more. Kurt was beaming, and seemed to not be able to take his eyes from me.

"God, you guys. That was so fucking rad. Do you know how awesome you sound?! Fuck..i'm just so happy ya know? Violet, I'm glad you came back, and that you forgave this asshole. You two are fuckin' perfect man." Krist slurred, a beer in his hand with a goofy grin on his face.
I couldn't help but smile. Krist may have been happy that things worked out, but I on the other hand, had never felt more alive.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'll be right back, okay?" Kurt told me softly, before pressing his lips to my temple.

Krist turned all of his focus to me once Kurt was gone, deciding to take his seat.
"Violet, Kurt really loves you. I'm glad you forgave his stupid ass. You two belong together, you know that?"

"Hah..thanks, Krist. Yeah, I pretty much have figured out that when we're apart, we're ticking time bombs or something."

"Psht..Violet, Kurt was a train wreck when he left you. And then you have his stomach and all..it got so bad. I mean, damn Violet. I'm glad he only got his hands on that shit once or twice..god..things would be bad."

"Krist..i'm confused. What the fuck are you talking about?" My head spun as I felt the room around me shift, the magical, dreamy environment I was consumed in, was now being interrupted.

"Shit..he didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what, Krist?!" I yelled, my heart accelerating as a billion thoughts consumed me.

"What the hell is going on?!" Kurt's voice suddenly appeared, flooded with confusion.

"Um..I didn't know you didn't tell Violet about.."

I watched Kurt's eyes grow wide with fear as he turned to look at me, then back to Krist.

"Krist..what the fuck, man.." Kurt mumbled, his face reddening.

"Kurt..what's happening?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly from fear of the unknown.

Kurt shot Krist a "fuck you" expression before turning his attention back to me.

"Violet..come with me, please.." Kurt mumbled, holding out his hand for me to take hold of.

"Kurt.." I whimpered, my eyes pleading for an answer as they began to fill up with tears. I was overwhelmed with alot of emotions, and they were starting to overflow.

"Shhh..Violet. Everything is alright. There's just something I should probably tell you..or should have probably told you. I'm sorry that Krist had to go ruin this night for you. It's partly my fault for not already fucking telling you I guess, that's what I get for fucking bottling everything up, right?!" Kurt exploded, opening the door that led to the back patio.

"Kurt, jesus!!! What the fuck is it?! Would you just tell me already?!" I yelled, feeling my heart sinking deeper into my stomach.

He turned to face me again, his blue eyes full of tears, glistening slightly from the light of the moon. Worry was plastered across his face, his bottom lip quivering as his hair fell into his eyes.

"Violet..I was really fucked up..and..and I shot up heroin, Vi..." Kurt's voice cracked, his eyes breaking their ashamed gaze away from mine.

My hands quickly found their way to my mouth as I tried to process what Kurt had just told me.

"It was only twice..but..I was ashamed to tell you. I guess Krist felt the need to tell you himself instead..so..now you know. Violet..you deserve better."

I couldn't bare to stand there and watch Kurt hang his head like that, ashamed and convinced that he wasn't good enough because of one stupid choice. I needed him to know his worth, his value, his place in my life.

He was walking away now, already halfway across the lawn and heading to wherever it was he thought he was going. I sighed, and began to run.

"Damnit, Kurt Cobain! You aren't doing this again. No more leaving me because you think I deserve better. Do you know what I deserve? You. Because you're my fucking everything. Kurt, you're a human. We fuck up. You aren't any less of the Kurt I fell in love with before you told me this. I still love you just the same. You're my light, Kurt. Do you know what I see when I look at you? Home. You're the most loving, caring human I've ever met. You finish my sentences and start them before they're ever formed. You keep my fire burning, Kurt. You are the fire."  I told him, not overthinking my choice of words, and  deciding to let them flow.

The dreamy, blue eyed boy who I loved with every piece of my soul, stopped walking, and turned himself slowly in my direction. The moonlight reflected onto the ground around him, dancing around his shadow like a soft, angelic glow. He didn't even look real. Maybe in some other realm where humans look like angels, but not in this one. Kurt appeared in front of me like an ethereal dream, and knocked the wind out of me as he passionately grasped my face in between his large hands. He kissed me with a rough force, but softly. Telling me "you're fucking mine, and I love you more than anything" without using his words.

"Kurt.." I whispered, smiling as I rested my forehead against his.

He smirked, his dimples appearing and melting my heart as I let myself fall completely into him.

"Do you remember when you came to my house throwing rocks at my window in the middle of the night? Serenading me with Pixies lyrics?" I asked him, watching him smile as he lit a cigarette.

"Yeah..I do.." He smirked.

"I knew for a long time you were my soulmate, Cobain. But that night, when you came into my room like that..and we laughed for hours and made out in my floor in between weird conversations..that's when I knew..I wouldn't ever be able to live in this shit world without you."

He slowly slid his thumb gently down my cheek, smiling slightly before grasping my hand in between his.
We walked back inside the crowded house, the room full of eyes burning onto us even worse than before. But, we didn't seem to mind.
We spent the rest of the night locked inside my bedroom, away from other people, and lost in our dreams.
Little did we know, the stars we were shooting for, were much closer in reach than we thought.