I hate when you say "you'll change your mind when your older"
Why yes of course I'll change
Change is inevitable
I understand that greatly
But no I won't 'change' who I am
I can't change who I am
I can't just ignore my heart like you learned to do
I will not settle like everyone in our family has
You knew when I was in your womb that I was special
I was worth the risks you took
Every birthmark, every misplaced hair, every cork in my being added to the list of what made me, ME
You understood that back then
Why can't you see that now?
I know you say "its who you are and I'm going to have to accept that"
And I'm happy
I'm happy for that little ounce you've given to me
To feel accepted by you
But then you always add that "but it will kill me if its still true in the future"
It will kill you....
I don't want to kill you
I dont want to be the cause of your so called death
That's not my intention at all
I just want you to be happy for me
To be happy that out of all the many people in our family I decided I wanted to be truly happy
I decided instead of settling for the one that love's me but whom I don't truly love back...
That I will accept the love I give to the one I'm truly in love with
Not the one that will make our family happy
Because in the end they die
I die, you die
And frankly I don't care if I'm shunned by them
If they can't see how happy I am
Then they never really loved me
They just loved the idea of another successful person in their image who shared the same blood as them
My true family will always be there for me and I hope one day you will drop the act and just see my happiness, just accept me for me without me being guilted into "killing" you
And me being a dutiful daughter always says "I'm sorry"
But I'm tired of apologizing for my heart
I'm so fucking tired of huddling in a corner like a stupid scared rat, and your the tiger coming to eat me
I'm done with me changing my so called imperfections
I guess its time for a change...
