I've found that I hide my feelings
I mean that's pretty hypocritical for me
As I always tell others to get it out
It would make them feel better
But to me it helps not telling
I always hate when people confide in me
And I can't help
It makes me feel like utter shit
So I guess I don't want others feeling the same
I know I care too much
I should empty the bottle that's eating away at me
But to be honest its my life
My problems and I have to deal with it on my own
And well if it kills me by eating me up
Welp Then I'm fucked
Its not a way to live
My mom keeps telling me that I need to let people help
I can't do everything on my own
But I don't want to burden people with my stupidity
Again hypocrisy as my friends feel the same when they confide in me
And I just reassure them that their not stupid
Because their not, they need help, advice before they screw themselves over
So why can't I do the same? Why can't whenever I let my feelings out to someone I still feel like shit?
I guess it helps that someone listens but they don't always have the answer
So crying whenever I lay down in silence
And over thinking whenever i'm alone is the way I empty myself.
Its not ideal but..
I've found that I hide my feelings.
That's why whenever you see me I'm smiling.
That's why whenever it seems I should be mad I'm not.
That's why every single person out there thinks i'm held together.
But look at me
Its 3 in the morning and I'm over thinking again.
Confiding in this stupid thing that I dare not call a diary.
Its a story of a human being. Overly complicated and paradox of a human being.
