Forest of the Angels

Learning things the hard way

Ellie softly placed Rachel back on the bed as she slept deeply. She was barely listening as Sam, Dean and Cas created their plan, their voices were a thousand miles away. Gently, she wiped the blood smears off Rachel's face. Each absent minded stroke reminded Ellie that this was her fault, she had been too focused on the angel that she had allowed Rachel to suffer – almost die – for the sake of some information.

A loud, harsh cough snapped her out of her trance. Glancing up, she realised that they had been talking to her.

"So, do you agree?" Dean asked her.

Ellie gazed blankly at the three of them. "I'm under the impression that I was meant to be paying attention."

Dean groaned loudly, but stopped when Ellie flashed him a look fierce look.

Cas chipped in. "I'm an angel of the lord, so I can use my powers from heaven to-."

"Okay, hold it right there" Ellie flicked up her hands, shock written across her face. "A what-now?"

"An angel of the lord." Dean interrupted. "You know, in paintings, with the wings and the babies"

"I am not in possession of any infants." said Cas.

Ellie stifled a laugh at his weird awkwardness. "Okay, Feathers, continue."

"Well, I can use my powers to take us back in time. The documents say that they started arriving a few months after the day Jess arrived. If we go back to 1936, we should be able to find out why they are here. You said they are carrying out some sort of plan, so we need to go back, find out what it is, and return here and stop them."

Ellie grinned at this "We're gonna smash a load of statues?" She asked with anticipation, excitement bubbled in her. Ellie had a reputation back at home for wrecking things, whether with hammers or fire. She thought back fondly to the day she put bricks down the school toilets after a teacher told her her hair and clothes were too outrageous.

"We're gonna smash a load of statues." Dean replied, oddly proud by her passion to destroy the creatures.

They were about to go into their plan in detail when Dean's stomach released a deafening gurgle. Ellie peered at her steampunk watch. 3:40 – way past lunch time and too early for dinner. She was oddly surprised at how quickly time had flown passed. She smirked, now she had an excuse for some afternoon tea.

"Dean, why don't you and Sam pop to get some cake, me and Feathers can stay here and watch Rachel in case she still needs healing." She jumped up and headed over to the kettle.

Dean merely nodded before they got up and left. Once the roar of their '67 impala died down, an awkward silence ensued. Only the piercing whistle of the kettle could be heard. Cas just sat, motionless and Ellie swung her feet up onto the coffee table.

"So..." Ellie attempted to start a conversation. Cas still just stood there. Laughing inwardly at his oddness, Ellie tilted her head, intrigued by the angel's disheveled appearance. "Feathers, if you're an angelic being, how come you're on Earth looking like a maths teacher who's lost the will to live?"

Cas thought briefly before answering. He was interested by Ellie's impassiveness to the fact that monsters do indeed exist. "Sam and Dean are my family"

"No Feathers 2.0 or anything?" she asked, taking a bite out of a stale biscuit she found in her pocket.

Cas frowned. "I don't understand what you..." he trailed off, struggling to understand what she meant.

Ellie laughed softly. "Brothers? Sisters? Angelic partner?" She paused briefly, staring wistfully at Rachel as she stirred slightly "Kids?"

Cas shifted on his feet. "I have brothers and sisters." His head dropped and he fiddled with the end of his tattered tie. "Many. But they are soldiers. I don't want to be a soldier. I rebelled. I've learned so much about being human, most of it I didn't want to know. I didn't know we suffered so much just to be alive."

Sighing, Ellie watched sadly as Cas gazed out of the window with a mournful expression.

"I rebelled" She muttered, picking at her fingers. Cas turned sharply to face her."My dad was a soldier in a war. He..." Sniffing, Ellie stopped, unsure of whether or not she wanted to continue. "He died. My mum couldn't cope, she was in this car crash a few years later – alcohol. They had her hooked up on all these machines for weeks before they had to pull the plug on her. They didn't even ask me about it or tell me they just did it and I did nothing. I should've-" Ellie stopped to compose her self, she found that once the first words tipped out of her mouth, the rest came tumbling down afterwards like dominoes and she couldn't stop them.

"Then I...um...I was taken to this family. They had their own children; Perfect, pretty children who could sing and dance and act. I learned very quickly that the world is only pretty because it wears a mask of fake perfection. I couldn't fit, I wanted to do my own thing. I didn't want to try my hardest to be loved for being someone I wasn't. So, I was hated for being who I was. I mean, look at me." She gestured to her hair and clothes. "I stayed out late; I didn't go to their stupid performing clubs or listen to their piano recitals. I was a resentful, sociopathic orphan in a family of beloved, talented people, a vine amongst roses. Later, I got arrested, so they decided they didn't need to care for me anymore."

Ellie felt tears built up that she tried her hardest to stop. She hadn't opened up in a while, now she was telling her life story to a complete stranger; she smiled at the randomness or it all. "Anyway I ran away, Jess' parents took me in. They treated me like I belonged there. Now look what's happened, I've lost the only sister I ever had and doubt her parents will ever see me the same. I nearly killed Rachel, she's not going to be all that happy with me." Ellie let the tears fall. They slipped effortlessly down her cheek. She choked, consumed by that feeling of falling when everything else is standing still. "I had one chance to be accepted and I messed up. I guess that's why others find me so rude. You let people in and can break you from the inside. Not by violence or words, just the looks they give you after you make one wrong move because that's all they'll see in you anymore. They won't see that each broken smile hurts inside 'cause you're trying your hardest to win them back. Your pain is invisible whilst your fuck ups are highlighted in red"

Piercing whistles from the kettle echoed in the room. Ellie dragged herself over to make the tea. Smearing the tears away, she poured the boiling water and handed a cup to Cas. "So there you go, Feathers." She plopped a teabag in her cup. "I guess that's what I've learned from being human."