Cantabile [on hold]

04. Tremolo

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TREMOLO
shaking

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I SKIPPED MY lesson with Mrs Dallas that Friday. I told my mum I wouldn't need picking up because I was going practice in school for a couple of hours and then walk home for the exercise and fresh air, and she was more than happy to oblige. Miraculously, she had a work event too that she was staying late at, and Dad was never home anyway so I never needed to worry about him.

And then I went to Sophie's party.

Have you ever been somewhere that you so obviously don't belong in? Everyone's too polite to say it but you stand there, looking like a complete outsider and knowing deep down you don't belong around other people.

Of course, once everyone started getting drunk things got better. I got bombarded with compliments and made a bunch of new acquaintances, and Sophie hugged me for the first time in a long time saying, "I can't believe you came, it means so much to me." I couldn't join in on this, of course, since I had to be home and very much sober by the time my mum got home at midnight.

"Mel, Mel, Mel Mel Mel Mel Mel," Sophie called, something she'd never called me before, leaning heavily on me. "We ran out ... we ran out of alcohol. So here's what you're gonna do. As you're the only sober one, you're gonna go down to that ... the shoppy thing on the end of my road, and you're gonna get us a bottle of vodka. Just some cheap shit, I'll cover the cost."

"And Smirnoff Ice," a girl added.

"Get me a bottle of Prosecco," another girl said.

"What, a whole bottle? For yourself?" The first girl drawled at her.

"Look, Soph, I want to help you out, really. I just don't really have time. I have to get going."

But before I knew it, Sophie had shoved seventy pounds in cash into my hands. "You're our only hope. Je t'aime beaucoup."

Okay, I decided. This has actually worked out well. I can get them their alcohol, become the hero of the night, avoid having to spend more time here feeling isolated, slip out of the party and still be thanked by Sophie tomorrow. "Alright," I smiled. "One bottle of vodka, one Smirnoff Ice and one bottle of Prosecco."

And maybe keep some of the change for myself.

"And some beer, obviously," Sophie rolled her eyes. "Just buy, like, a lot. As much as you can."

I'd been to Sophie's house three times before in my life, when we were a lot younger, so I knew which shop she was talking about, but I was fairly certain it shut at seven. So instead I walked for ten minutes to go to the twenty four hour open supermarket, a little further away.

I'd never been inside a supermarket at night. It was almost entirely empty, save a couple of people, each with their own stories, each completely different from the other.

In the end, I spent thirty five out of the seventy pounds Sophie gave me. Maybe she'd be angry I spent so much, but I didn't want to not buy enough and be named a failure.

"Have you got any ID?" the twenty-something year old man at the till asked me, in a lazy, drawling voice.

"Oh, yeah, sure." I rummaged through my bag looking desperately for my purse. But all at once I could suddenly picture it lying in my room at home. "Well, um, actually..."