Reaching Peace

Part 1: Realisation

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Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t have gone with him.

He seemed nice at first, but when he asked me to follow, I felt like I didn’t have a choice.

“Come on, Ree, I’ll walk you home,” he murmured in my ear as he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the main road. His name was Craig, he was so hot, it was insane.

“So, where are you from?” I asked, wanting to know more about my super sexy companion.

“Around. What about you?” it didn’t quite click with me that he hadn’t answered my question, so I happily answered his. “Oh, I grew up in Vegas but we moved to New York last year.” I blurted, not realizing that I was sharing this with a guy that was practically a stranger. Craig and I talked a little more (mostly I just giggled and he avoided my questions) before he stopped dead. “What’s the matter?” I laughed, thinking he was just making some joke or something.

Craig pulled the knife from his belt. The thin, silver blade glistened menacingly in the light from the streetlamps and he beckoned me towards him. He grabbed hold of me and dragged me down a dark, filthy alleyway between two broken down old warehouses.

“If you scream, I’ll cut you throat.” He snarled, pinning me to a wall. I knew what he was going to do to me; all I could do was wish for him to stop. I wanted to fight but my body was frozen in panic and fear. I closed my eyes and tried block out the fear. I realized quickly that there was nothing I could do. I was helpless and I wished he would just kill me rather than use me like that.

“Please Craig?” I sobbed, “Why are you doing this to me?” I instantly realized how pathetic I must have sounded, like some girl that lived in a perfect bubble where bad things never happened. But that is not how I was raised. I was raised in the scummy streets of Las Vegas. I was a fighter, born and bred.

He was tearing at my shirt, pulling the buttons and clawing the exposed skin at my neck. He unbuttoned his grubby jeans with one hand and tried to get at mine, but I had to stop it. I couldn’t let this carry on. I pushed as hard as my petite body could manage and I began to run. All I could hear was his scream of rage. All I could feel was my heart pounding, threatening to burst out of my chest. It was like slow motion when he caught up to me and plunged the knife into my back. I fell to my knees, I couldn’t breathe. Then nothing.

I was alone in the dark. I was alone with the pain, the unbearable pain. Alone with my questions. Why did this happen? What did he get out of it? Why me? Then the pain was gone.

I woke up in a bed. I was in a white room, with a white table, white chairs and a white screen. There was a woman sat in one of the chairs. “Who are you?” I whispered. My voice was croaky and my throat dry. I looked around for a second. It was way too bright in that room. The light from the single exposed bulb was hurting my eyes. I turned back to the woman, “who are you?” I demanded louder; I wanted an answer from her.

“That’s not important. We’re here to talk about you, not me.” She was dodging the question. Just like him. She couldn’t look at me. I couldn’t work out why she wouldn’t just tell me who she was.

“Please tell me your name?” I asked, nicer this time. I wanted to make her less of a stranger.

“Ava.” She finally told me.

“I’m Rebekah. Well, people call me Ree. It’s good to meet you.” It was nice to have something personal in the plain, white room.

“We need to get to work, Ree. Come and have a seat.” Ava patted the chair net to hers with a small smile. Climbing out of the bed, I noticed that I was wearing clean white pajamas. Whoever owned this room had some serious OCD problems. As I sat, the screen flickered on. It was me; I was six and in my old tree house. Then I was nine and playing hide and seek with my little sister. To be honest, that was the last time I was really happy. “How are you showing me this?” I asked, shocked and confused. Then it hit me. I knew how I ended up in the white room. “I’m dead, aren’t I?”

“I’m sorry, Ree.” Ava said quietly. So that’s why she couldn’t look at me. “But do you see how happy you were? Now here is where it all went downhill.”

I looked back at the screen. I was twelve and in a store. I slipped a packet of skittles into my pocket and left. “So this is why I’m here? Because I stole some candy five years ago?”

“You need to understand you were wrong, Ree.” I couldn’t believe it. She was trying to make me feel bad about stealing candy?

“I was twelve! Am I being eternally punished for stealing some skittles?” I couldn’t understand why it was so important.

“You need to admit that what you did was wrong.” Ava sighed, shaking her head.

“Fine I was wrong! Are you happy now?” I cried, giving in. Ava seemed pleased and we moved on to another of my memories.

I was fourteen and at a party with a group of friends. They were trying to make me smoke some weed. I was laughing and sort of saying no, but I quickly gave up on being good. They were smoking it so why couldn’t I?

“Why did you give in, Ree? Drugs didn’t help you at all.” Now I understood. I had to explain my life to her.

“Why does it matter? I’m dead now, I can’t change what’s happened and I wouldn’t even if I could!” I thought that maybe this was Hell. She was making me sit and watch myself live, all the while knowing that I could never go back, never help myself be better.

“I’m not trying to hurt you, Ree. This is for you. Only when you have come to terms with your life can you fully reach peace.” Ava said, trying to calm me down.

“I don’t need to come to terms with my life, Ava; there was nothing wrong with it. I made some bad choices, but everybody does. If I have to admit that my life was some huge mistake, then I will never fully reach peace!” I shouted, angry at Ava, angry at Craig, but mostly angry at myself.

“You don’t have to do this now, Ree. I can wait for you to understand what you have to do” Ava told me.

“Well you’re going to be waiting a while. I stand by my decisions.”

“Don’t worry; we have forever.”