Lunch was bearable today; Avery sat with me. He actually started a conversation with me too, and still used my real name.
I was surprised, which made me embarrassed. I only eat at lunch, receiving free meals from the sympathetic cafeteria ladies. My parents don't believe that a "sinful creature" like me deserves to eat their food.
The lunch is nasty, but it keeps me alive, I guess.
Death, I don't want to come to you due to starvation. I want it to be a fast death, when I'm ready.
Today, I wasn't.
I barely cut; just a few lines were sliced into my wrists. Avery made it less appealing, I think.
I was nervous while he talked with me, but he was actually pretty nice. And before we parted ways, he said that he'd "like to get to know me better."
I know my face turned red at that, and for the first time in nearly two years, a real smile was on my face. It was a small smile, but I felt it.
I don't think he saw it, but it still felt surreal.
Was it happiness that I felt? I'm not quite sure.
But, Death...
Why can't other people understand me like that? Why is being who I am such an offense? I've never done anything to anyone, except be gay.
But the attractive, brown-haired boy with his infectious smile and goregeous blue eyes, makes it easier.
Death, I'm going to stay here for a while.
I'd like to get to know him too.
