I had a relapse today... I regret it, but at the same time, I don't.
Avery was sick, and so he and his gang ramped it up on the pain. Calling me a fag and an absolute waste of space. Beating me too; I'm just surprised they didn't break a bone or worse. And after, I stumbled home just to get beaten again by my hateful family.
So I locked myself in the bathroom and sliced my somewhat-healed wrists, leaving behind thin lines with red liquid seeping from them.
Death, I was doing so well, I hadn't cut in almost two weeks. Why, as soon as Avery's gone, do I become more depressed? Become more apt to harm myself?
Why does it become harder to be resilient when he's not around?
And Avery's been acting strange lately. Not in a bad way, but just... different, I guess. Just subtle things, like laying his head on my shoulder at lunch, touching my hand, that sort of stuff.
Not that I don't like it, quite the opposite, really.
It's just that I can feel a blush creep over my cheeks every time he does something like that.
I really think I love him Death, but I don't know what this means.
Does he like me back?
Or is he just always like this?
Death, this is so confusing to me... I'm going to try not to cut for a while.
Okay?
