i wouldn't mind.

thirty two

"what did you want to tell me?"

"do you remember when you asked
me why i never smiled as much?"

you paused.

"i-i do..."

"i was diagnosed with alexithymia
when i was younger..."

"oh...i'm sorry, i didn't know."

"it's fine...when you told me what you
did during your weekends, i couldn't
help but smile, but when you asked
me about my weekend i couldn't
answer. every week i was at the
doctor's, trying to find a cure. my
parents have spent so much money
on treatment for me, but it all went
to waste. there was no cure.
counselling couldn't help me either.
my dad spent his nights crying and
asking himself why i was born like
that. my mum, she tried consoling
him, but it never worked. my mum
had a talk with my dad about their outstanding debts, and then they
decided to let me go, and with the
little money they had, they
gave it to me and they-"

"they let you go..."

"...yeah..."

"my mum's last words from me before i left was to find someone who can give
me feelings, who will take care of
me and...i'm sorry."

your thumb caressed my cheek as you wiped my tears away.

"don't be, it's not your fault."

"it's kind of...weird for me to say
this but...jae..."

you looked up to me, as your eyes glittered in the light.

"you're the only one that can
make me feel things."

you smiled as your hand held onto mine.

"now that you said it, you make
me feel things too."