BAIRN: Matty Healy

050916

May 9th, 2016

     "Tell me something," Matty swiped his tongue across his teeth, leaning as far back in his desk chair as he possibly could—it was a little squeaky, but oddly, it suited him.
     "What do you want me to tell you?" I crossed my legs in front of me, Matty liked to know things, so he'd always play his form of twenty-one questions when he'd been away awhile.

     He shrugged, fiddling with the guitar that had been perched to his left for so long it had fallen far past the 'out-of-tune' point; new strings were likely in order, but Matty had tons of guitars at home. This one didn't matter to him as much as his Fender—Fenders. You could say he dabbled in collecting now and again, more so now that he had the money to spare, but he was happy doing exactly that, so who was I to bring up memories that would have the opposite effect? Ultimately, no one.
     "About you," his leg was shaking, "right now, you know? Not that fake shit where you tell me about your job and your passion for uncritical writing. I don't want to know things I could find out without asking you, I know enough, Mace, but tell me more." Matty paused, I could feel him staring me down while I pretended to look at my phone, I didn't want to do this.

     If I looked up at the boy I'd known all my life, the same one who kissed my scraped knees and sung me lullabies, I'd break. He was high, it wasn't hard to tell, maybe he thought he masked it well. Nobody would ever have the nerve to call Matty Healy out on his bullshit (except for George and Jamie), that was probably why he thought he had it down so well, he was so... pure, in the most hellish way imaginable.
     "What do you hate?"
     "What do you mean?"
     "You must hate something new by now, it's been a while, you can't possibly hate the same amount of things now as you did before I left."
     "Sorry to disappoint but," I shrugged.
     "Come on, Mesa, you—"

     "Matthew," I projected, resting my hand firmly on his knee, he looked at me confused. Maybe using his full name was too much, I knew it scared him and I had used it against him to catch his attention in this state.
     "Matty," I softened, looking him in the eye now, "you're high. I can't pretend you aren't, you know? You're not... you when you're using, and I don't like talking to you like this." He shifted his gaze to the open window across the room and looked back at me, cupping my jaw in his hand. He smiled softly and for a moment, I could see the Matty who held my backpack on the way to school and played hopscotch on the street with me.

     And then he laughed in my face.
     "This is me, Mace," he leaned forward, his breath sent shivers down my spine, "the best version of me there is," he whispered with a little smirk on that terribly smug face of his.
     "Let go of me," I spat, digging my nails into his arm, he yelped, quickly retracting his hand from my skin.

     "I hate you, like this, I hate how self-destructive this stuff makes you. I hate not being able to help, and the phone calls... I hate waking up at half four when you call me upset and crying, because you're far away. You're always so far from me, Matty, you can't expect me to just let you be that big part of my life you were before everything." His eyes were shut, I wondered what motion picture was playing behind his eyelids now.
     "I don't love you any less, if that's what you're thinking," I pushed my hand through his mess of curls.
     "Ultimately, we both know to what extent I'd go in exchange for your love and happiness, this isn't our first rodeo. But... I want you to try, Matty, do you think you can do that for me?" I tugged back on his hair, so he was looking back at me again. He nodded slowly, standing from the chair and curling up on the bed with his head in my lap, Matty smiled.

Short semi-filler but I promise this chapter is important character foundation in the story. On another note: aren't you excited to see me? Jk love you guys, I'm just getting back into the groove of writing and so far, it's alright. Lmao okay, don't forget to vote and please comment, I'm sad and lonely. Goonight goobers xx