BAIRN: Matty Healy

But my mind still says redundant things

Matty was finally on the verge of getting some shut-eye when I woke up to a very familiar female voice spilling through the television speakers. I felt the slightest bit guilty though. He had come knocking at my door so many times in the past week that it would've been much easier to just let him in my bed from the start. "Turn it off," the words dripped off and through his lips like liquid silver, and it took me a second to differentiate what he actually said from what exactly he was talking about, "I-don't-want-any-spoilers." A very tired, very tortured liquid silver.

"Good morning to you too," I hummed and pushed the duvet lazily off my legs, folding it over itself and over Matty. "I said said turn it off, not suffocate me in feather down."

"You're so whiny, it hurts." I tiffed, hoping he'd catch my irony in his sleep drunken state. Matty huffed responsively and somewhat aggressively kicked my favourite warm and comfy duvet onto the cold, hard floor. "Right, I'm not doing it cunt," I stood up off the bed.

"Well why not?"

"Matty love, you disrespect my duvet, you disrespect me." I stuck my nose up and pretended not to look at him.

"Are you kidding me?" He laughed, and while I tried to stifle my own since I thought I was just fucking around, I was a bit bothered by his silly demand and actions following it. The annoyance I felt towards him in the moment diminished to a bare mental vexation as I watched him feel all around my sheets hurriedly. Matty's apparent distress so early in the morning filled me with a similar anxiety that just encouraged me to flip pillows and toss them off the bed like he had done with the duvet. I shoved Matty forward to flip the pillow behind him as well and with his hopeful look that maybe the remote would be there, I grew slightly more irritated when it wasn't.

  We looked at each other momentarily, both irritated by the tiniest inconvenience, both disappointed though we really hadn't searched that long or well, both really fucking tired just because. I eyed my headboard and nodded, it was the only place neither of us had touched and really the only place left to investigate, so naturally I stuck my hand between the mattress and bed frame, and just like that, I smiled at Matty and he smiled right back at me because clearly I'd found it.

  Maybe this was a bit too exciting for us and our lives had been exceptionally boring in the past weeks, but we just smiled at each other like it was a game and the winner got a grand prize of a million dollars.

"Well shit," I chuckled and clicked off the television, "we're going to need a set place for the remote when we're in London..." he looked down at his hands. "We almost had a normal morning," Matty laughed.

  "It's 5AM and we've just gone on a manhunt for the remote, who's to say we can't still?" I nudged him and stood up to walk around the bed, I thought that maybe asking him to pick up the blanket before starting off what would be another serious conversation wasn't the best idea. But I wanted to hide behind it. "Can we talk outside?" I shrugged the duvet over my shoulders and nodded, offering Matty my hand and physical directions to my third drawer down so he could grab some sweats and not freeze his ass off. He leaned back and turned over uncomfortably, taking the little red packet into his hands with one of many black 'The 1975' engraved lighters he brought, and left everywhere.

  I took this opportunity to just pick out a pair of pants for him since it'd probably save some awkward limbo anxiety time and I had a pair in mind already. It was one of those articles of clothing where I didn't know how exactly it winded up in my possession, but it was just... there, and they had been for years. They were Matty's, clearly, from the rips in the knees that I had no clue how he'd managed to the frayed tie strings lining their waistband. I handed them to him. "Hey, I've been looking for these," he said in his little whiny 'fuck you' voice. "Really, have you? Didn't call me and ask." He shrugged and unfolded them over his lap, "Thought I'd just lost them is all."

  "Yeah," I scoffed, "in my bedroom?"

  "Hey I know how they got here just as much as–" Matty started but I cut him off before he could finish a sentence that was already making my cheeks turn pink. "Shut up." I squeaked, "Put your fucking pants on, you case." He laughed and stepped into them. "I'm the case? You brought my child into this world. I haven't even mentioned sex and you're fucking blushing." I shut myself up for a moment and just let him have it because I had nothing to say to that, I did have his child and I was fucking blushing and I hated it. "Okay," I sighed, shuffling to the door. "Can I keep them though?"

"If you must," he chuckled this time, following me out of the room, photographically through the pitch black living room and out the screen door. He shut it behind us and pulled up a chair, offering me a seat first to which I declined and earned a shrug from him, Matty sat unbothered. "Sooo..." he trailed and lit one up. "Sooo.." I imitated, smiling down at the expression on his face. He was sleep deprived and that much anyone could tell from just looking at him, but somehow he was always so comically forthright, although right now was not proving any points. Matty fed off verbal validation more than physical and that was just the way he ticked. "Don't feel pressured, alright Mesa? I don't blame you if you want to back out, the way you agreed wasn't exactly fair."

I sat down beside and across from him all at the same time and sighed, something I'd found myself doing a lot around Matty. "It was," I insisted quite honestly, because it really had been, "I said what I said. I made a decision on my own, I've considered the circumstances and every possible outcome. At this point Matty, you can't exactly talk me out of it, it'll be good for you and Maisie. Reckon she should probably meet Gabby since you seem to really like–"

  "No Mace, what about you? This isn't about anyone else, I mean it is but not fully, not to the extent it is about you. It's your comfort, your life, and you know, you've never been anywhere else. Part of me wants to be the one to show you the world... before somebody else does. Does that make sense?" I ran my tongue between my lips, looked out onto the street and laughed. "I get what you're saying, but I don't know why you're saying it or- or the relevancy to the situation. I've been to London Matty, you're not showing me anything. And you don't have to worry about anyone else doing it either." He flicked his fag into a tiny pool of ashes and previously smoked cigarette butts and sat forward, leaning over the table.

  "I don't know... I'd like to take you somewhere and I know you know what I meant just now, so I'll shut up for now. But maybe you'll change your mind."

   "You think so?" He nodded,

  "I hope so. Think about how cute you 'nd Maisie'll look in crystal blue waters and matching bathing suits."

  "Absolutely not. Matching outfits are your thing, I'd like to be excluded."

  "Well sorry," he shrugged, "you have no choice since we'll all be matching."

  "Imagine the talented counterparts of the band in matching yellow shorts," I giggled. Matty went to speak and then shook his head, "Hey!" his bouncy little ringlets hiding his eye bags from me quite well. "Did you just call me untalented?"

  "No."

  "Yes."

  "No."

  "Fuck you, I hate you."

Don't ask why this story has gone to shit, just say something nice and pretend you like it. I also changed Hayden's name to Maisie bye