My Pretend Boyfriend

First Of All, Fuck Off

The rumour spread around the school. I heard many different versions: the one were I shouted swear words at him until he cried (the most accurate one), the ones were we ended up being sworn enemies, the one were I beat him up and my personal favourite, the one were he actually literally peed himself. I became a hero to many, and the terror of many more. That's how I realised that talking to Colton was a really good way of making my life exciting, and we'd been talking for only a week.
That week became a month.
Things I learned from Colton (a list by Karin Walker):
1. He loves memes.
2. His favourite band used to be The Black Keys, until I made him listen to The Doors. He fell in love instantly.
3. He's not the mysterious bad boy I had in mind.
4. He's actually really nice.
5. My friends were right. We are the same.

*********

Lunch break. I ate, I walked towards the field with Lea, Sally and Sarah... And I got stopped halfway there. Guess who it was. My friends were obviously shocked, as I had decided not to tell them I'd kept talking to him after they both got what they wanted.
"Hey mysterious bad girl."
"Hey dork."
Okay, my friends would definitely bother me after this. They walked away, leaving us alone but still staring with wide eyes.
"It's pretty weird that after, like, a month of knowing each other we had never actually spoken in real life."
"It's like we're internet friends that see each other every day but still have never interacted in this plane of existance." he laughed.
"You're so fucking weird."
"That's why we're friends dude. We're both weird."
He sighed. "Yeah, um, about that... You wanna hang out today after classes?" his voice was low as he scratched the back of his neck.
"Uh, yeah, sure. McDonald's??"
"Yeah."

We waved goodbye awkwardly and then each walked back to our boring normal lives.
"Oh. My. GOD." Lia said as soon as I stepped into their usual circle.
"I TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE GOING TO BE A GREAT COUPLE!" Sally added.
"I can't believe I'm the last one to get a boyfriend." Sarah sighed.
"Woah woah there guys, we're not dating. We're just friends."
"Pfft, yeah of course." they all said at slightly different times, "TWINSIES!"

I got up and headed towards the second floor. I wasn't going to deal with their bullshit today.

Molly smiled at me as I stepped into the hallway, but I wasn't focused on her. There was a couple making out at the end of the hallway, but I could only recognise one of them. Mathilda.

My head spinned. I felt dizzy. Next thing I knew, I sat next to Molly on the floor.
"Are you okay?" she said.
"What... The fuck."
"Hello? Ground control to major Karin?"
"What happened?"
"You stood frozen for like 20 seconds and then you sat down. Do you wanna go yo the infirmary?"
"I'm alright... I think."

I wasn't alright.
Mathilda.
Mathilda.
Mathilda.
She was all that was on my mind.
Mathilda.
Kissing.
Not me.
Mathilda.

My head went back to normal when the bell rang and Molly told me to get my things for history class. I messaged my mom and asked her for permission to stay with my friends at McDonald's after school (because she would NEVER let me if I told her about Colton) and she said yes, but I was really hoping she'd say no.
Most of all, I was hoping that hanging out with him would take Mathilda out of my mind. Because why the fuck was she there anyways?

***********

I grabbed my backpack from my locker, waved goodbye at my friends, and got stopped by Colton as I headed down the stairs.
"So, McDonald's it is?"
"Of course."
We didn't talk on our way there (honestly, the thing is 5 minutes or less from the school so it wasn't awkward). He ordered some fries and I ordered an ice cream (bless that McDonald's, the machine is always good).
"So, I want all the details." he suddenly said.
"Of what?"
He laughed. I liked his laugh. I... Liked his laugh?
"The real reason that you started talking to me. Because come on, music recommendations? That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard."
"First of all, fuck you, that's the best excuse ever." he laughed again.
"And second, it was all Lea's fault. If it weren't for her having the hots on Decapitated we wouldn't be besties."
"Pfft. And why me? There's like, tons of other less shitty people out there who could've given her his number without hesitating."
I blushed a bit. There was no way I was telling him what my friends thought about us.
"Wait a second..." he interrupted me when I opened my mouth. "Is it because they ship us? Oh my GOD THAT'S SO PFFFFTTT!" and he broke into the loudest laughter I've ever heard. What The fuck was wrong with him. How could he be so adorable. Ugh.

"Why the FUCK are you laughing that's not funny at all?" I commented.
"What do you MEAN by it's not funny? Teenage girls are the funniest thing ever." he grinned, "And look at your friends, classic teenage girls! See, that's what I like about you, you're not like other girls!"
His face scrunched up as soon as he realised what he said. It was my time to laugh.
"That's the single most fucking cliché line I know and you just fucking SAID it."
"First of all, fuck off." he said in a poor imitation of what I think was supposed to be me.
"Shut up dork." I said, smiling and wiping tears of laughter from my face.
He smiled back. God fucking damn it he's so cute.