Dear diary

Part title

Diary part 1
My P.O.V
Dear diary, today I saw him, like everyday.
he's funny and pretty and also happens to be my boyfriend, but I'm not sure about my love to him. I mean he looks gorgeous and could have any girl he wanted, really, but I catch myself looking at other boys once in a while. I think my crush for him died last year, when he was in love with someone else. I feel like I'm bound to someone, and I'm not ready to be bound yet. But I don't want to hurt him. There's that boy from my choir that sings very well, and I kind of like him, I'm such a girl. I've liked him since forever but never that much.
I bet it's that hormones, stupid puberty! I seriously just want to dig my own grave right now and jump in. I have social anxiety. I hate what I do every day and at night my chest hurts with what I have done wrong that day. Thinking about him hurts, but should it? Mom bought me this diary to write down my feelings but it just makes me realize how pathetic I really am.
I love music, today I had singing practice, our teacher is not happy with us. We got really bad. As bad as everything in my life. I don't know how some people think that I'm pretty, I am certainly not. I'd love to have darker hair and green or blue eyes but no, i am simply left with half blonde- half brown hair and brown eyes. There's nothing special about me, I'm a no one. Im overthinking if the stuff I wrote is right but what else would it be. It comes from heart. Today I walked in to school, I'm a 8th grader, to my friends that I like but I'm not close to. Nobody is like me. I never told anyone my deepest secrets, my type of depressions or anything that is the real me. Everyone sees me as the happy girl who never gives a dam about what other people say and is crazy. But I'm not like that- not totally, I have sides that I don't show. It hurts me when people say that I'm fat, even when I am, it still stings. I am not smart, I don't get bad grades but I also don't get good ones. I hate when I get red, I look like a potato!

My friends follow me on whatpadd and I don't want them to find out the truth but I feel like posting this, that's why I made this account, to really write what I want and no one will know that this is me.
No one ever reads my works, they're not good enough. I see fake smiles everywhere and I wish I culd tell a person how I really feel but I can't. I'm scared of what they might say.
Goodnight diary, Daydreamer.