Iniquity: a tale of guilt and love || Completed

18. Lost?

Note: the following chapter is cliche, emotional and highly, maybe painful to read. But the story is about Iniquity, and I want you to understand that guilt is a feeling that makes you think you are the most worthless person alive, and maybe you don't even deserve to live. It plays with your mind very twistingly.

The past thirty seven hours and approximately fourty minutes were in a way, extremely enlightening for Suman. It was the first time ever in her life when she was aware of every breath she took, every second that passed, every beat of her heart. And now, as she stood outside the same door that she had banged when she left that wretched day, everything seemed blurred to her. She staggered under the impact, and Preeti held her hand in reflex.

" Di!", Preeti was alarmed for her sister, who she knew was dying a death every second.

" Sumo, you have to be strong. Push in the gate and enter, it's open!", Pushkar who was standing beside her spoke, his eyes not meeting hers though. Suman took a deep breath and entered the house but stopped in her tracks the next second.

Hai dil ko teri aarzoo, per mai tujhe na pa saku,
Hai dil ko teri justajoo, per mai tujhe na pa saku,

Her heart skipped a beat as she looked around the house. Everything seemed similar, and yet there was something very amiss, just she couldn't point out what. Hurriedly, she almost ran towards the bed room, her heart beating wildly as her wide eyes scanned the room to have one glimpse of him but all she met was disappointment. The clothes that she had folded that day were still lying on the rocking chair. His laptop was on the bed, the chair where the doctor had sat to check him was still in the same position. Nothing had changed in the room, since that morning, and yet everything seemed diffrent to her without him. With tears streaming down her face she ran out to the drawing room, where Preeti and Pushkar were standing.

" He isn't here", her voice trembled as she spoke, and Pushkar gasped. He had this eerie feeling of something wrong since they reached Chandigarh, but he didn't anticipate that Shravan would go missing. Suman rushed down with Preeti- Pushkar on her trail, towrads the watchman of the complex.

Mai hu shab tu subah, dono jud k juda,
Mai hu lab tu dua, dono jud k juda.

" No madam, sir left the house early evening the same day you left, and I didn't see him return still. I will cross check with the night watchman though, wait a moment", the watchman then dialled the other one who worked there in night shift, and the trio waited with baited breaths to have one clue, but all hopes died when even he denied seeing Shravan.

Madno!
Mashuko!
Dilbaro!
Madno re!
Madno madno madno madno madno!

Suman could hear faint cries of Preeti in her background and choked cries of Pushkar too, but nothing made sense to her anymore.
" Shravan", a whisper escaped her lips, as her heart fought the terrifying scenarios her mind was making.

"He is fine, he has to be fine", she whispered again, before running outside the building.

" Suman", Pushkar rushed towrads her and held her wrist.

"Pushkar, we have to find him, I don't know where and how, but I need to find him, please", Suman begged, her voice breaking and Pushkar curtly nodded. Preeti was made to stay back, in case he returned and Suman and Pushkar rushed into the city, to search for him.

Kai khwab dil tujhko lekar sajaye,
Per khouf ye bhi kahi per sataye,

From restaurants to Parks and then streets to streets, temples to churches, they searched him everywhere but there was no sight of him. As if he had disappeared. Since his wallet, keys and passport, everything was kept back on the table of his apartment, Suman was more worried. A nagging feeling in her chest was pointing at something else, but her mind was not able to grasp it.

Agar ye bhi tute toh phir hoga kya re,
Mujhe raas aati h khushiyan kaha re,
Kyu dil ko dukhana bewajah, madno re,
Kyu dil ko dukhana bewajah,

Three more days passed like that, making it a total of five days since she last saw him, his eyes averted from hers. By now, Ramnath and Nirmala knew about the fiasco too and the entire police of chandigarh was searching for the mighty lawyer Shravan Malhotra. Even after a lot of pleadings, Suman still went out early morning to find him, and returned late night, unsuccessful. Every second killed her from insides to imagine what would have been the extent of the pain in his heart, for him to take a step as rash as this. How much would he have been disappointed from all of them and life, to leave them like that?

Fir aansu bahana ek dafa,
Fir aansu bahana ek dafa,
Mai hu shab tu subah dono jud k juda
Mai hu lab tu dua dono jud k juda
Madno....
Mashuko
Dilbaro
Madno re!

The sixth day, Suman almost looked like a corpse when she headed out in the morning. Today, the police was to check with the hospitals for the last resort. She walked through the streets in the scorching heat of the sun, her phone's gallery had a picture of him opened, that she kept showing everybody she met, with a hope to know something about him. Only if she knew that her hope would come true, just not the way she had imagined.

Tu hi toh har pal bandha h lamho ki in zanzero me,
Tu hi toh har dum rha h khwabo ki har tabero me,
Tu hi toh har din dikha h, dhundli ya ujli tasveero me

Fatigued and tears running down her cheeks, she sat down on the pavement outside a park. It was already 5 pm, and her heart was starting to ache more, if that was posible. Suddenly she felt a hand patting her back, and she turned to find an aged lady smiling at her.

" What is wrong beta?", The lady asked and Suman felt hot tears rolling down again.

"My husband is lost, I am trying to find him", the reply was so appropriate that it made her nauseatic.

Tere hi to hai khusbu mujh mein haan madno re
Tere hi to hai khusbu mujh mein haan
Ab tu hi to har su har jagah
Ab tu hi to har su har jagah

" Don't loose patience beta, I will pray for you and waheguru will make sure you find him", the lady blessed her and Suman nodded in gratitude and that was when the lady saw the picture of Shravan on her phone.

"This is your husband?", The surprise in her voice alerted Suman.

" Yes", her voice was choking.

Bhi chus shab sa subah

Meelyth doshvai judaa
Bhi chus labh sa dua
Meelyth doshvai judaa
Madno, mashuko, dilbaro, madno re

" Are you sure?", The lady questioned again and Suman nodded, her eyes now trying to read the lady.

" What's wrong?", Her heart was thudding in her chest. The last held her wrist and turned her towards the street.

Haan tera saaya to main hoon
Par sang tere na reh sakun
Haan iss safar me to main hoon
Par sang tere na ruk sakun
Main hoon shab tu subah
Dono jud ke judaa
Main hoon labh tu dua
Dono jud ke judaa
Madno, mashuko, dilbaro, madno re
Maahiya ve Maahiya ve Maahiya ve
Maahiya ve Maahiya ve Maahiya ve

On the opposite side of the road, on the ground, there was a tall person sitting, his head resting on his knees, his shirt was torn at places, bare feet, his hairs falling on his forehead, his arms wrapped around his knees. He looked shabbier and pathetic than a begger.

"Shravan!", Suman gasped and the person looked up and mumbled something in response before putting his head on his knees again.