Iniquity: a tale of guilt and love || Completed

15. The Tug Of War

~ Fighting for your love is not the problem. The issue arises when you have to fight for your love against the person you love~

Suman sighed as she stood at the kitchen counter, her mind running in circles. She had come to Chandigarh to scream at him, to fight with him and take him back, to tell him she knew everything he had been doing over the weeks, she knew about the torture he was going through. But she didn't. One look at him had mellowed down all her anger, all her fire. She understood where all his thoughts were coming from now. At One point of her life, she had been under the same repercussions, when she thought her life to be favours from everybody around her. She loathed that thought, because she didn't want anyone to pity her. And today, she had found that same emotion in his eyes. He didn't want her to pity him. Only, his thoughts were messed up with the magnanimous amount of guilt and self loathing too. But this time, Suman was determined to not let him fall into the hole of darkness, she wanted to fight for him, for them.

With a tray in her hand, filled with two steaming bowls of porridge and two mugs of hot chocolate, Suman entered the bedroom to find Shravan staring at nothing in particular, but his face seemed lost.

"And here is food!", Suman exclaimed but the familiar twinkle in his eyes, didn't return. He looked up at her, but his eyes were still vaccant of any happiness.

"Suman, I....I don't w-want to e-eat", Shravan fumbled looking here and there, and Suman swallowed the lump in her throat and sat in front of him, on the bed with a smile.

" Sumo!", She reminded him again, before holding the bowl in her hands.

"I know your stomach is a little upset. Food is making you nauseous. I wonder if there is any possibility of a khushkhabri (good news) ?", Suman tried to joke around and tease him but the humor was lost on him. There wasn't even a twitch of a muscle in his face, forget about a reply. Sighing, Suman forward a spoon of porridge, after blowing air on it. Shravan looked up at her, hesistant but he knew a stubborn Suman better. So he opened his mouth and ate like a small child scared of his mother, until he finished it all. Content, Suman rose her hand to wipe his mouth but he held it midway.

"You should not care for me Suman, not this way, not this much!", His voice came as a whisper as he stood up to move to the washroom and wash his face and mouth. Suman was almost sure she heard a cracking noise, but since she had no way to open up and see her heart, she had to relent. Saddened, she was about to move back to the kitchen when she felt a tug on her wrist. Shravan held her back and without a word made her sit, forwarding her bowl of food to her. Suman noticed how he had almost pulled the spoon and dished some porridge in it before leaving it, as if his trance broke and forwarding her the entire bowl. She didn't protest and ate silently. Before she left for the kitchen she turned to face him.

"Everything goes both ways Shravan. If I should not care for you, you shouldn't care for me either", her voice was firm as she left, leaving a man cursing himself for ruining her life yet again, as he did a thousand times a day.

The night fell and since there was only one bedroom, both had to share the bed. Suman fell asleep immediately since she was tired after the journey but Shravan lay awake, his gaze flickering between the ceiling and her face. Shravan observed her minutely, as the strand of hair fell on her face. She seemed at ease to him, content than he had seen her before. The rhythmic falling and rising of her chest, and the small upward curve of her lips told it all to him. Seeing her at peace brought some relief to his burning heart too, and for the first time in weeks he smiled, the genuine smile, before somehow falling asleep.

Suman woke up the next morning with the sound of shower running. Rubbing her eyes she sat up to find Shravan already up and probably in the shower. Shravan was never an early riser, she sighed at the fact, some things have really changed.

As Shravan came out, he found his dress for the day on the bed, alongwith his lawyer's dress, his wallet, his handkerchief, his watch and his phone was already plugged in. His laptop was in its place and his files arranged. Before he could react Suman entered with a cup of masala chai and some oats.

" Breakfast is ready!", She happily squealed but as his gaze fell on her hubby dear, clad only in a towel around his waist, she gasped and turned around.

" Sorry!", She put her hands on her eyes and hurriedly took her own clothes and ran into the washroom. But that one moment had created a chaos inside Shravan. How would it have been if instead of running, she would have come to him and pecked his cheeks?Or if he would tease her by rubbing his cheek against her? How serene it will to take her in his arms, as a husband hugs his wife?
But alas! All of them were his wishes. Frustrated Shravan got ready and left for office even before she could come out.

Suman came out only to be disappointed because Shravan had left all her selected clothes as it as. The breakfast lay untouched too. There was a note on it too.

" Take the next flight and go back home."

Suman smirked.

"No matter how much you push me away Mr husband, I am not going anywhere.", She promised and made her busy herself in locating a nearby grocery store on the google map.

The day passed by and the moon knocked the door, but there was no sign of Shravan. He didn't reply to any of her calls throughout the day, and neither did he came home for lunch. It was almost close to 9 and Suman was getting cranky because of her hunger. In her stubbornness to win him over, she had also not touched the breakfast and skipped lunch, and was now waiting for him with baiting breaths for the dinner, completely irritated and ready to eat him.

Shravan came a few minutes later. He unlocked the door with his own key instead of ringing the bell, trying to pretend that her presence didn't mean anything to him. She sat straight on the couch at his sight, and for a second their eyes locked.

" Umm, I had my dinner. I am off to sleep", Shravan somehow tore his gaze from her and was about to move when he heard a loud gurgling sound. He turned to find Suman with her mouth agape, her face flushed with embarrassment at the little action of her tummy. Shravan sighed. This girl would never let him do what he thought was right. Keeping his office bag at one side, he dished out some food in a plate and sat beside her, forwarding it to her. Suman looked at his face which looked so tired. His shoulders had drooped as if under quintals of weight. She got up to fetch one more spoon.

"I know you have not eaten", she simply stated. No questions and no answers. She forwarded a spoon full towards him that he ate and then he forwarded one spoon full to her. Without a single word, they both finished and Suman stood up to keep the dishes in the sink, when she saw him wiping his eyes with his index finger. He thought she didn't see, only that wasn't true. When Suman returned from the kitchen, she found him asleep on the couch, the tiredness had taken it's toll over him. Ruffling his hairs fondly, she removed the shoes and socks, and loosened the tie, opening the first button of his shirt. Then she moved on to remove the watch, and brought the huge comforter from the bedroom, that she draped over both of them, before snuggling with him on the couch.

Enough of deserting him everywhere, everytime. This time she would make sure to be with him, as his shadow, even if it meant sleeping uncomfortably on a couch.