Mosaic Broken Hearts -on hiatus-

Chapter 1

So, new Katniss and Peeta story...

No idea how this is going to go down... hope you like it though :)

- Mosaic Broken Hearts -

Katniss' POV

I fell apart after Prim's death. Prim gave me leverage when I started to lose my mind. After the Quarter Quell, I was unstable and mental, Peeta was captured by the Capitol, Gale became a solider in the war I created. When she was gone, I fell apart. She wasn't there to help me think things through, or to talk, or wasn't there to be my sister.

After the rebellion ended, Gale left, Mother left, Peeta wanted to strangle me every time he saw me, I was broken. I didn't have anybody, unless you count Haymitch, but he was kind of just there.

I locked myself up in my house, staying in the same spot for who knows how long, only moving for meals and bathroom trips. Greasy Sae tried to help me by feeding me, but often times I ate only half of it and gave the rest to Buttercup. Oh that stupid old cat.

They put me on meds which I didn't take. The meds were supposed to help with my head and my burns. I was mute for weeks after Prim's death, becoming mental. The meds were supposed to help shut down the mental part of me. It left me foggy and confused when I took them. They blocked me from my thoughts. That's why I stopped taking them. The ones for my burns, I just didn't care enough about myself to be concerned for my health.

I had no idea how Peeta was doing. I didn't want to know how he was doing. If he was doing better than I was, then I would feel like a coward. He had been captured and tortured and he was doing better than me, and all that had happened to me was a few deaths, a few abandonments.

I was already so hard on myself, I couldn't add another thing to the list of things I hated about myself.

I eventually started moving around my house and sleeping in my own bed again. I took walks around the District, sometimes alone, sometimes with Haymitch.

The first time I saw the Bakery since coming back to District 12, I stopped. I felt my mind collapsing. I clenched my fists, and forced my breathing to stay even. Haymitch dragged me off before I had a breakdown.

When we made it back to Victors Village, Peeta was sitting on his front porch. It was a nice day, I couldn't blame him. We made eye contact after he looked me up and down a few times. My fists were still clenched, and maybe I looked mad, maybe I looked like I was on the brink of a breakdown. The eye contact made me run. I forgot that Haymitch was holding my wrist. I was jerked back, and Haymitch gave me a stern look, translating into, "Go talk to him."

Peeta stared, confused. I tried to yank my wrist away from Haymitch, without success. "Haymitch! Let me go!" I screamed at him.

Tears had started to sting at my eyes. My gaze met his for just a second, no longer than a second. But within that amount of time, his blue eyes seemed to consume me and choke me. There was some sort of emotion on his face that I could've read if the last year hadn't happened. He was as easy to read as an open book, but since he was hijacked, his pages have been crumpled and ruined and torn.

And I started running. I expected to be running to my house, but no. I was running straight to Peeta. He seemed surprised too. Haymitch, was again, just there.

I stopped when I was at Peeta's first step onto his porch.

"Look, I'm sorry for everything I ever did. I'm sorry for faking my love for you. I'm sorry for getting you into that mess. I'm sorry for getting you hijacked. I'm sorry for getting your family killed. I'm sorry for being here, for being alive. I'm sorry for loving you because I sure as hell don't deserve you.

"I screwed everything up between us, including our own freaking lives. I hate myself for it, you know? I know you hate me, hijacked or not. Your family's death is my fault, the destruction of your family bakery and home is my fault. You have to hate me, maybe not right up top, but somewhere deep down, you can't stand to even look at me. And there's a part of me like that too. And I like it. I deserve the hate. The only useful thing I've done at all, is get people killed, and that's not useful."

"Katniss-"

"No. Be quiet. I need to say this."

"No you-"

"I know you hate me. I'm sorry I've screwed everything up for us, for you, for me. I'm sorry you were forced to love me. I'm sorry they hurt you. I'm sorry that you were in love, that you even knew me. You shouldn't have given me that bread, you should've let me starve and die." I stop to let out a sob. "I'm sorry for everything. You're better off without me, Peeta."

And I ran again. I ran to my house this time, without letting Peeta reply. I slam the door shut, and sit in front of it, hugging my knees to my chest. I cry and cry, probably screaming a few times.

At some point, Greasy Sae lets Haymitch in, who had been banging on the door ever since I shut it. He held me, and I clutched onto him, feeling like he's the only person who doesn't hate me.

Haymitch and Sae walked me to bed that night, without dinner. I was still sniffling and slightly sobbing. I fell asleep within thirty minutes, into a nightmare filled night.

I woke after a mutt had bitten off my head. I rubbed my chest, wishing the sudden jerk of adrenaline and anxiety would go away. My heart pounded so fast it hurt. My throat stung from screaming. My body felt sore from flailing.

I couldn't fall asleep after that, so I just sat on my couch downstairs. My room frightened me. Too many things happened in there, too many memories. I'm afraid I'll remember something and I'll breakdown.

Sae doesn't come to cook me breakfast like she normally does. I decide to go without breakfast. I just lay on the couch, staring into nothing. Buttercup jumps up and curls up against my stomach. I can tell he misses Prim.

I don't remember starting to cry. Something touching my face brought me back to reality. It's Haymitch. He calmly rubbed my arm while shushing me, telling me it would all be okay.

There was a knock at the door. I used it as an excuse for me to get up and stop crying. I don't bother checking the peephole to see who it is. I regret it when I open the door.

"Peeta." I say softly.

"Before you send me off, let me explain." He says. I stand, waiting.

"I don't know how I feel towards you, okay? It's all fuzzy. I don't know whether to hate you, or love you. But it's not hate because I think hate makes a person angry, and I don't feel angry when I'm around you.

"I don't blame you for anything. The rebellion wasn't your fault. And you do deserve me. People who have been through a lot deserve a person to keep them stable, balanced. You need a person, I need a person." He says. I realize what he's saying.

"I can't do that to you." I say softly. "I can't date you, and pretend that I don't hate myself. Pretending I don't hate myself would be harder than hating myself."

"I'm not saying you would pretend. If we balanced each other out, you wouldn't have to pretend because you wouldn't have anything to pretend about."

"Peeta, I don't want to make you feel bad for me. We can't pretend everything is okay between us." I say, putting my palm to my temple that starts to throb.

"Then friends. We can try friends."

"I don't think we could do that either-"

"Just try it. What is it going to hurt?" His eyes gleam with desperation. I feel my stomach stir like I'll be sick.

"Okay, fine. Sure. Friends." I agree.

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